I Mr. 3C 



11 4 I T<>rapermif« Doetflr, • - ly 






NO. CCXXXVI. 



FRENCH S STANDARD DRAMA. 



PR 4161 
.B2 VI4 
Copy 1 



C^e feting 6bition. 



jilSx JEND 



OK, 



THE IRISH HEIRESS. 

% Comeirg, in Jfibe ^cts. 



BY 



ION BOURCICAULT, ESQ 



TO WHICH AKK AUDKU 



A I^ription of the Costume— Cast of the Cinracters -Eiitruaces and Exit* — 

Relative Positions of the Performers on the S^ge, and 

the whole of the Stage Business. 



KOW PERFORMED AT THE PRINOIPAJL ENGUSH 
AND AMERICAN THEATRES. 



NEW YORK : 

i^muel French &. Son, ., 

ri'BLISHEBS, 

Sast 14th St.; Usloa SqiiacOi 



LONDON : 

Samuel French, 

FVBIilSHEK, 

8e STRAND. 



I'S vJClT^E; or, Hovrto Uet ud Home Thea'riCiils and to Actinthem. with Ruies, By*, 
ted Scenes, Plays aud other uaefu^intoruiatioulor Am»i.eur oooieties. Prtco S30 uttt> 

\ty nn.k rt.iii.-i ^^•%\ k i^\-*^ *r .....a. . iim ikr.'. a-cw^iv^i t K. .»..«.*. 



\5 



IPSS" 



I FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAM/ 

'' > Price 15 Cents each.— Botmd Voliizixes $1. 26. 



▼oiu I. 

J Ion 

; I The [.aiily of l^j^nM 

' i EichftUaa 
4 The Wife 
iTbe HuQ«jQ>ooo 
* The Souool for Aev^AaX 

VOL. II. 
» The Sthvuger 

10 GriLndfkther Wbivbead 

11 Blebjkrd III 

i3 Love's Saeriflee 

15 Thb Oftmeater 

\4 A Cure fur t^e HekrUMbe 

16 The BanuMbwk 

(• I>oP> Csenar de Buan 

VO»^ HI. 
iT Th^ Poor aenUeman 
IS Hamlet 
19 Charles II 
10 V».»tce Pr«»erT«<i 
21 PUarro 
23 The Love Chase 
<3 Othello 
ii Lead me Fi<« ShUUngf 

VOL. IV. 
1( Vlr«(lnlu8 

;S Klni( -i)f the Commona 
il Loadoo Aaaurauoa 
2S The Rent Day 
i* Two Oe»>tien»eD«fVe»«j»» 
10 The Jea(oua ^\tm 
tl Tne RiTols 

13 ferfectiofl 

V06. V. (Prt's 
«S A New W»» to >*ay >lrt 
U Look Hefore Toa Leap 
15 King John 
(6 Mt^rrout Maa 
*7 t)*mou apcl r7»H»s 
4S Claud^suv^ \i''irfiaga 
»9 WiUJ»in ftd 
M Oa* attnr the Woddiog 

VOL. Ki. 
41 ppeed tbe i'k'tgh 

12 Rome J an<< 17111181 
*3 Feudal T>»>«v« 

U Ohk-^les *he Twelfth 
i6 Th«« Brid*' 
<« T»>'^ Fo'lJes of a Night 
iT UoBV-ysii.x IPatr \.»dy 
4* Faiut Heart VartMr Wuu 

vo»' ni. 

«# B<M^ to Kute 

M> W»4o«th 

M Tvmper 

(3 STadna 

U Benram 

U Tha Oue»nA 

(6 Woah A.d« A)>*at Hothlng 

M Tha Cnua 

VO'L vin, 
\1 Thf Apoxtate 
V Fwalfth Alight 
\% BmtTu 
40 Sianctaon ft Co 
SI Me'ahaotof Vaai*« 
•3 01<i He«kAs& Touog^earU 
SS Ub4Qi».Qaers lr>»^<t 

StXhrca W^eeks afta^' Mar- 

VOL. IX. 
«5ta»a 

66 A* "on Like Tt 

67 Tae iCIder Bratiter 
4» Weruer 

69 Glsippus 

TO Towo and Oauntxj 

tl Clog Lear 

73 Blue Devila 

VOL. X. 
78 Henry VIIT 

14 Married and Blagla 

T5 Kenry IV ^ 

76 Paul Pry ^ 

77 Gay Mannerlnii; 

78 S»»eetbeartt a>. Wlvea 

•0 She 8*oops to Oooquer 



VOL. XI. 
81 Julius Oxsar 
S3 Vicar or W akeflald 

83 Leap Tear 

84 The Catspaw 

85 The Passiag Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rod Roy 
S8 Oeorge Barnwell 

VOL. XII. 
89 Tneomar 
M) Sketches in India 
)t\ Two /rieajt 
93 Jane Shore 

93 Corsioan Brother* 

94 Mind your own Business 
9.'> Writing or uie WaU 

96 Heir at Law 

VOL. xin. 

97 Soldier s daughter 
93 Douglas 
99 Uarco Spada 

.100 Vature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalua 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine and Petruehio 

VOL. XIV. 
103 Game of Love 

106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Braestina [Dream 

108 Riig Picker of Paris 

109 H'lying Dutchman 

110 Hypocrite 

111 Thgrese 
113 Lirrour de Nesle 

VOL. XV. 

113 Ireland As It Is 

114 lea of Ice 
na Seven Clerks 
116 Osme of Life 
117. Forty Thieves 

118 Brrau Ror-ihmb 

119 Romance aud Reality 
1:^ UgoUno 

VOL. XVL 

121 The Tempest 

122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 
lz4 King B Rival 
125 Little Treasure 

120 Dombey and Sou 
l'.^7 Parents aud Uuardlans 
138 Jewess 

VOIuXVII 

129 Camille 

130 Married Life 

131 Wenlock of Wenlock 

132 Rose of Ettrickvale 

133 David Co^perlleld 

134 Aline, or thu Rose of 
1.35 Pauliue IKillaruey 

136 Jane Eyre 

VOL. XVTTI. 

137 Night Slid Morning 

138 ^thiop 

139 Three Ouardsmen 

140 Tom Cringle 

141 Henriette, the Forsaken 

143 Eustaebe Baudin 
14J Ernest .vialtravera 

144 Bold Dragoons 

VOL. XIX. 
?45 Dred, or tha DUmal 

I .Swamp 

146 iA\*X Days of Pompeii 

147 fameral'da 
144 Pet«,r Wilkins 

149 Ben (he Boatswain 

150 Jonavhan Bradford 

151 Retribution 

152 Uinerali 

VOL. XX. 

153 French Spy 
1j4 Wept of Wish-ton Wish 

155 Kvil Genius 

156 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of Franee 

158 Red Mask 

159 Life ef an Actress 

160 Wedding Day 



VOL. XXI. 

161 All's Fair in Lot* 

162 Hofer 

163 Self 

164 Cinderella 
16o Phantom 

166 Franklin [Uoaoow 

167 The Oonmaker of 

165 The Lore of a rrlnea 

VOL. xxn. 

169 Son of the Night 

170 Rory O'Mora 

171 Golden Eagle 

172 Rlensi 

173 Broken Sword 

174 Rip Van Winkl* 

175 (sabeUa 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 
VOL. XXIII. 

17T Aotrsss of Padua 

178 Floating Beacon 

179 Bride of Lamermoor 

180 Cataract of the Ganges 

181 Robber of the Rhine 
183 School of Reform 

183 Wanderini^ Boys 

184 Maieppa 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Young New York 

186 The Victim* 

187 Romance after Harriage 

188 Brigand 
»o9 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Owinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 
193 Gambler s Fate 

VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Mansaniello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeprr of Abbeville 

199 UlllerandhisMea 

200 Aladdin 
VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 
132 Undine 

203 Jessie Brown 

204 Asmodeus 
/U5 tformons 

206 Blanche of Brandrwine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 
VOL. XvVII. 

209 Americans In Paris 

210 Victorine 
311 W izard of the VTava 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe ttobinson 

214 Armand, Mrs Mpwatt 

215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 
ii6 Glai-3« at New York 

VOL. XXVUI. 

217 InconMant 

218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 
2i9 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Hidsum'r Night s Dream 
I Laura Keene s Edition 

224 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX 

225 Poor Young Man 

226 Ossawattomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 
2S Oliver Twist 

229 Pauvrette 

230 Kan in the Iron Mask 

231 Kni|$nt of Arva 
,i3? Moll Pitcher 

VOL. XXX. 

233 Black Eye<^ Susan 

234 Satan in Paris 
j35 Rosins Mea^'^^s [ess 
236 W«>«* r^u, or Irish Heir- 
217 Six Degrees of Crime 

238 I'he Lady and the Devil 

239 Avenger.or .Moorof hici- 
40 .Viasks and Faces )ly 



VOL. XXXI. 
241 Merrv Wlveo of % 
342 MarysBirthda; ; 

243 Shandy Maguir«( 

244 Wild Oats 

245 Michael Erie 

246 Idiot Witness 
347 Willow Copse 
243 People's F^awyer 

VOL. XXXII, 

349 The Boy Martyrs 

350 Lucretia Borgia 
251 Surgeon of Parfii 
353 Patrician's Dau^1 
353 Shoemaker of T( 
254 Momentous Quv- 
353 Lore and Loyalty 
356 Bobber's Wife 

VOL. X' 

257 Dumb O 

258 Wreck . 

259 Clc 
360 B 

261 ■ . 

262 Madei__ \ 

263 The i^lrer ' 
364 Grl^i .u . 

VOL 

265 Two Lf 

266 AnL ., X. Ij 
'2H7 Steward I 

268 Captain Ky(V I 

269 Nick of tb- 1 

270 Marble H 

271 Sec one ' 
273 Dree 

273 Bret. 

274 Revie 
27o Lady o. 

276 .«"M1 Wat 

277 The So 
■278 Helpii.. 

279 Faust and ^i> 

280 L»'t »tan 



281 Belle's 
'282 Old anu 

283 RaffaeP 

284 Ruth ' 

285 British .a • 
2Sfi A Life's :| 
■287 Giralda ! 
383 Time Tri • 

VOL. 

289 Ella Trsr 

290 Wa 

291 Zeh. 

292 Bea 

293 Nei( 

294 Wo 
■295 Kobei 

396 Green Bust . 
VO:.. XXX 
-297 Flowers of t' 
298 A Bacbe'or c 
•299 The .Miduigh- 

300 Husband of 

301 Loveo ' 

302 Naiad 

303 Caprice 
3U4 Cradle . 

VOL. X.. 

305 The Lost Shij. 

306 Country Squii 

307 Fraud and its 

308 Putnam 

309 King and Deat 

310 La Fiammiiia 

311 A Hard Stiug 

312 Gwinnette Va. 
VOL. XI. 

313 The Love Ku : 

314 Lavater, or 
.'15 The Nob'iHei 
3i6 Coriolauus 

317 Th'' "Vinter'jl 

318 "^ .en W'^- 

319 Ivanhoe 

320 Jonathan ' 



(Catalogue contiiw^fi on third page <>/ cover.) 



EST END; 



OR, 



TIE IRISH HEIRESS 



g. dLonubn. — 1« Jibegids. 



BY 



prON L. BOURCICAULT, Esq., 

Mon Assurance," "The Phantom," "Jessie Brown," "Old tie«4* 
noting Hearts," " Andy Blake," "Pauline," " The Octoroon," 
" Colleen Bawn," " Lover by Proxy," 
"The Willow Copse'" 
etc. etc. 



A Dm 



Casts, Costumes, and all the Staje Business, as rnatked 
J. B. Wright, Stage Manager of the Holiday Street 
Theatre, Baltimore^ 



NEW YORK • LONDON . 

Samuel French &. Son, Samuel French, 

PUDLISnERS, j runLisiiER, 

io. 132 Nassau Street. I so ST-RAJ1STT>. 



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QfFT 

EST. OF J H. CORNING 
JUNE 20. 1940 



WEST END. 



ACT I. 

A MAYFAIR MENAGE, OE BACHELORS AT HOME. 

A Dressing-room in Earl of Stanmore's House, in Park-street. — 
Breakfast is laid c. — The furniture, ^c, of the apartment betoken 
elegance, taste, and ease, without being rich. — Two easy chairs 
on either side of table, covered with flower chintz. — Postman^s 
knock heard, l. k. 




SOFA. 

CHEVAL GLASS. 
ESSIXO TABLE. 



DOORS. 



SOFA. 



'1^ 



a 3 



EASY CHAIR. 



BREAKFAST TABLE. 







KASr CHAIB. 



y^ BOOT RACK AND BOOTS. 



BELL ROPE. 
R. H. 1 E. 



L. H. 1 B. 



Enter Lenoir, ivith letters on a salver, d. l. h. 



Lenoir {seating himself ) . Lord Stanmore n'est pas encore get ups ! 
Half past ten ! Oh, mais ! but I wish I was again in France. I 
always dream of Paris ; and when I wake, diable ! I find myself in dis 
miserable London. I nevair see place so sans sentiment, point de 
morale. I love de morale ! Par example, milor owe me twelve years' 
vages ; still I remain his valet, — voila le sentiment. lie never con- 



4 WEST END ; OR, [ACT 

sidei' how I am to live ; and it is as much as I never can do to make 
an honest livelihood out of the loose change he leave in his pockets, — 
voila la morale ! — n'iraporte, — virtue is its own reward. I nevair 
complain. Oui, honesty is de bess politics ! 

Enter Earl Stanmore, c. d. — Lenoir arranges lahUy ^-c, and 
offers newspapers. 

Bon jour, monsieur. 

Sianmore. Any letters? {Yawning) Aw — aw — 

Le. Three, monsieur. 

Stan, {sitting down to breakfast). Read them. 

Le. {ojyens one, and reads). " Sir, I have called several times on 
you " — 

Stan. Ah ! I know what's coming. 

Le. {reading). " Without receiving the amount of my small 
nil" — 

Stan. Tradesmen were created for our sins ! 

Le. {reading). *^ Having a large sum. to make up by next " — 

Stan. That will do. — Go on with the next. Stay; who is that 
from ? 

Le. Kersey & Seame, your lordship's tailors. 

Stan. It would appear they had called before. 

Le. Oh, oui, — twenty times. Now that I begin to know their 
knocks, 1 nevair answer them. 

Stan. And pi'ay, sir, why were they not shown up? Do you wish 
io ruin my reputation? 

Le. " Shown up ! " I^t I thought milor had no — money. 

Stan. "What has that to do with it? Lenoir, Lenoir, I fear you 
are getting into low habits. Are you so ignorant of your duty and 
my respectability as to permit any tradesmen to leave my door unsatis- 
Jied ? Have all my lessons been thrown away upon you ? 

Le. Pardon, milor ; but I — 

Stan. Listen, sir, and remember. "Whenever you owe a debt, never 
shirk your creditor ; — seek, rather than shun him. Entreat, nay, 
command him to send in his account. He won't ; then go and abuse 
him for his negligence ; — say you never run bills, &c. &c. "When he 
discovers all this (which in time he will), and you have good grounds 
to suppose that he intends to present his bill — cork him with a large 
order. Now you may go on with the next. 

Le. "What beautiful natural philosophy ! I shall cork my tailor. 

Stan. I 've made man, in his creditorial capacity, a careful study. 
Proceed. 

Le. I am a child in the hands of milor. {Opens another letter, 
and reads) '■^ My dearest William'* — 

Stan, {starting up). Prom Kate ! "What can she mean by thus 
annoying me? 

Le. She has too much sentiment, and too little moralite. 

Stan, {taking letter, and reading). ^'My dearest V/illiam, lohy 
did you promise to return, without the slightest intention of keeping 
your word? Do you quite forget one luho has sacrificed all, all, for 
your sake?" My poor Kate! Forget you! — would to Heaven I 
eould ! {Reads) '^.My father, whom I hare not seen for some years^ 



BOENE I.] THE IRI8H HEIRESS. 5 

has suddenly reques'ed my presence in Londoj}. What shall 1 do? I 
dare ndt meet him, if you still persist in keeping our vuirriage secret. 
To-morrow I will set out for town. Expect me in Park-street by ten 
o''clock. Be there to meet mCy dearest William! The children long 
to see you, but not more eagerly than your offcctionate wife, Kathe 
rine Davcntry.'" My poor Kate ! fate compel? me to desert you. 

Le. Oui, milor, it is all dat dam ^'fate's " fault. 

Stan. Lenoir, you must await this lady's arrival, and conduct her 
to apartments as tar from this as possible. Make some excuse for my 
absence: say I am — I — oh, I rely on your moralite to invent some 
rascally lie ; — only keep her away ; for her presence just now would 
be destruction to my dearest hopes ! 

Le. I will tell her she is too much — de trop — she is one over — 

Stan. No ; for remember, she imagines herself to be my wife — 

Le. Diable ! c'est vrai. 

Stan. Measures must be taken to get her out of London again, as 
soon as possible. In the mean time, what 's in that third envelope? 

Le. {opening a third letter, and reading). ^*Crochford''s, half 
past four, morning " — 

Stan, {taking letter, and reading). ^^My dear Stanny, I have the 
most particular busi?iess to consult you upoii. Be at home at twelve 
o'clock this morning; — mind, be sure. Yours, very muzzy, Percy 
Arde7it." How very awkward ! — I expect Supple, my man of busi- 
ness, every moment. I despatched him to Ireland, to sell the goods 
and movables of my estate there. I expect him every moment, with 
the proceeds. Perhaps I can get rid of him before Ardent's arrival. 
{Ji knock, L. H.) There he is. lExil Lenoir, d. l. h. 

Money ! money ! it flies quicker than love. Five years ago my father 
died, leaving me heir to a veiy gentlemanly set of tradesmen, the com- 
pound interests of his debts, and his blessing. However, I was deuced 
glad to merge the tottering credit of the young Viscount Daventry in 
the Earldom of Staumore ; and amongst other conveniences appertain- 
ing to my change of name, it may enable me to escape detection by 
Kate. She will not know me, in my new robes and title. 

Reenter Lenoir, d. l. h. 

Le. Mr. Supple, milor. \^Exit, d. l. u. 

Enter Supple, d. l. h. 

Supple (l. h., bowing low). May I venture to hope that your lord- 
ship is quite well? 

Stan. {r. u.) Quite well. Have you break fisted ? 

Sup. Thank you, I never mix business and pleasure. 

Stan. Pray take a seat. 

Sup. Your lordship does me too much honor. {They sit at table ; 
Supple ivitk servility.) 

Stan. Now, then, what did the property fetch? 

Sup. Nothing, my lord. 

Stan. How? 

Sup. Gently ; I thought it better to consult, before I sold — 

Stan. Consult ! 

Sup. Before I sold what did not quite belong to your lordship. 
1* 



6 "WEST END ; OR, [aOT L 

Stan. ^Vhat do you mean? 

Sup. Permit me to entreat your patience. 

Stan. The Daventry Estates not mine! Pooh! — nonsense! — 
Whose, then? 

Sup. You will perceive it, if I may take the liberty — 

Stan. Proceed. 

Sup. With submission, always — 

Stan. I '11 excuse your deference, for brevity. 

Sup. {taking out and referring to pocket-book). I was deputed by 
yott to dispose of — 

Stan, {impatiently). I know, I know. Come to the point at once 

Sup. My dear lord, the law never does. On arriving on the prem- 
ises, I proceeded to examine the goods, chattels, &c. &c. Every 
chamber was shown to me, without reserve or hesitation, but your 
father's, which was locked. I demanded the key ; it could not be 
found. The door was accordingly broken open, and amongst its con- 
tents, was an Indian cabinet — 

Stan. Ay, I remember it. 

Sup. Locked, also ; in which, on opening, I discovered, partly by 
chance, a secret drawer, containing a packet of letters from Lady 
Daventry, your mother, to your father — 

Stan. You read them ? 

Sup. You desired me to examine everything. 

Stan. Well? 

Sup. They contained a full and complete avowal — pardon me — 
of your illegitimacy. 

Stan. What, mine? Impossible! 

Sup. The sweetest proofs I ever read ! — as clear as the Bill of 
Rights. 

Stan. I 'm thunderstruck ! Where are these letters? 

Sup. I crave pardon once again. I restored them to the cabinet, 
and obeying strictly your commands (finding that, although the title 
and estate descended to the real heirs, the goods and chattels were left 
to you, especially, by will), I sold them by auction. 

Stan. And who bought the cabinet? 

Sup. I did, and all that it contained. 

Stan. I see. {They eye each other significantly). 

Sup. Your father, the old earl, had a twin-brother, Loi'd Daventry, 
who was disowned for marrying a Miss O'Connor ; and being driven 
by necessity from this country, he assumed his wife's name, and ac- 
cepted a commission in the Bengal army, in which service he died, 
leaving his widow and one child. Miss Norah O'Connor. Now, as 
your title and estates descend by the female line, this child, your 
tirst cousin, is heiress-at-law to your father, and Countess of Stan- 
more in her own right. 

Stan. And you mean to proclaim it, I suppose ? 

Sup. Nay, I am your lordship's most devoted servant to command, 
and need never discover the existence of such papers in my cabinet, 
till you desire it. {A pause.) 

Stan. For what sum will you destroy them ? 

Sup. 'T would be a felony. 

Stan. True ; I had forgotten {Aside) What shall I do ? I '11 try 



KC£NE I.] THE IRISU IIE1KE3S. 7 

a ruse. Well, sir, I must see these documents ; and should they prove 
genuine I shall feel in honor bound to surrender a title to which I can 
have no right ; and no longer retain estates to which I never had a 
claim. That is mj decision, — my fixed determination. {A lomj 
pause. — Supple exainines Stanmore's /ace intently, and gradually 
relaxes into a smile. Aside) The rJiscal knows me ! {Aloud) Ahem I 
where is this girl? 

Sup. On her mother's late death she was left to the guardianship 
of ner cousin, Sir William Daventry, with whom she now resides. 

Stan. Indeed ! I saw Lord Daventry at a ball, last night, and he 
did not mention it or introduce me. To be sure, he was so absorbed 
in his new and young wife's flirtations. {A double knock, l h. ) 
That 's Ai-dent. Pardon me, my dear sir ; — I am unavoidably en- 
gaged. We will talk over this point another time. (Rint/s bell, 
K. wing. Aside) And it will give me time to consider. 

Sup. You will find I have lodged eight hundred pounds to your 
credit, at your banker's. I wish you a vei'y good morning. 

[Exit, D. L. II. 

Stan. Now, am I not an unlucky devil ? What 's to be done? My 
debts are twenty thousand, and my credit — eight hundred. That 's 
two-pence in the pound. Then, illegitimate ! If Supple will only 
keep it quiet I might retrench. Ay, but where? Could I put down 
my cab, — enter a drawing-room out of a patent-safety, with a sur- 
reptitious straw turning king's evidence, in one's strap ? Jamais I — 
I could sell this house and furniture. No, I forgot, — I 've done that 
already. Well, no matter, — I 've not paid for them ; so the second 
purchaser will get quite as much as the first. These are desperate ex- 
pedients ; but what 's to be done? Oh, I see what it will all end in ; 

— I shall become reckless ; — I shall lose all kind of moral feeling, 
and in a moment of temporary insanity I shall marry. Marry 1 — 
why should I not marry Norah herself? Egad ! I '11 try, under any 
circumstances. Let me see ; — there 's Mrs. Comfort, a rich widow, 

— worth a plum ; but she has had one husband, and looks a long- 
liver. Oh, that I could stumble on something rich and consumptive ! 
I 'd take it to winter in Norway. 

Enter Ardent, hastily, d. l. h. — He throws himself into a chair, 

out of breath. 

Now, then, what scrape has your hothead run you into? — anything 
berious? 

Ardent. My dear fellow, I want your assistance and advice. 

Stan. You shall have them. Any quarrel? 

Ar. You were at Lady Melton's, last night? 

Stan. Well. 

«/2r. You saw her there ? 

Stan, llev ! Who? — that black-eyed girl you were whisking 
lound the room all night ? 

Ar. Exactly. You remember her? 

Stan. Well, what of her? 

Ar. I 'm done up, Stanmore, seriously. 

Stan. How so? 

Ar, Look here ! {Pulls out a letter.) Here 's a signal gun to her. 



$ WEST EAD ; OR, £aCT I. 

Stan. What, to a girl you saw for the first time last night ! 
Jlr. Oh, she 's one of those that don't want to be known long. Bat 
never fear ; you '11 find I 've made up for the brevity of our acquaint- 
anceship, by a squeeze of respect. Listen. Ahem! {Reails) ''Crock- 
ford's. Madam" — That 's distant. (Reads) '^ You will doubt- 
less be surprised, but I hope not offended, by receiving this deferential 
address, from one ichom you cannot but look vpon as a stranger. If 
unacceptable, pardon it as a mere madness, rather than condemn it 
as a wanton insult." You perceive that 's an offshot of the sublime 
and beautiful. Now I glide out of that style, and you '11 find I get a 
little warmer. {Reads) ^'Loveliest of created beings, I adore you to 
distraction! " Oh! what a relief it was when I came to that! 
(Reads) ''Give me back my heart, or, as you have it, keep it now, 
and take the rest " — 

Stan. A rat ! a rat I *' Maid of Athens," Byron ! 
Ar. What! you've found it out, have you? Well, but wait 
(Reads) "How helplessly I yield it up to you ! I would say more 
if I had more to say." All that's mine, and quite original 
(Reads) "Your devoted arid distracted Percy Ardent." Now, I 
want your candid opinion on that. Stay, shall I read it again? 
Stan. No ; first tell me, who is the lady? 
Ar. Eh? 

Stan. What 's her came? 

Ar. Her name ! — a — she did n't mention that. 
Stan. But you were introduced ? 

Ar. Oh! — formally! — yes, I introduced myself; but it neve? 
occurred to me to ask her name. 
Stan. Where does she live ? 
Ar. Don't know. 

Stan. Write a letter, without knowing where it 'a to go, or who it 
is to ! 

Ar. Well ! now I come to think — ha ! ha ! — it does appear odd ; 
but the instant I saw her I rushed up, — said something ! Ah I — 
Stan. Passionately, I '11 be sworn. 

Ar. I think she observed it was very warm ; so I volunteered to 
procure an ice — got a smile — hazarded my arm — 't was taken — 
found she was Irish — a delicious little brogue — enough to swear by. 
Such naivete — such wit — such — such everything ! Oh! (Falls 
back in ecstasies.) I say, Stan, this is the real thing, isn't it? I 'm 
in for it in earnest, this time, eh? 

Stan. I fear so. Go on, and don't be violent ; — calm your ex- 
pressions. 

Ar. I can't, I can't ; — I would if I could ; but T can't ! I danced 
with her — it was a waltz — oh ! where was I ? — it 's half way to 
heaven, the very thinking of it ! I can hardly recollect anything, but 
that she breathed love ! — and, heavens to think ! I had my arm 
round her waist for two minutes ! 
Stan. Twenty ! 

Ar. Was it? Seemed two ; and oh ! such a waist ! — ye gods ! - 
not a pair of fctays and a brickbat ; but yielding, heaving life ! And 
then, her hair ! — all the women abused her hair ; so you may srf^l- 
Bwear it was superb ; — not a plastered dab on each cheek; but s v<- 



BCiLNE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 9 

feet Niagara of curls, black as Erebus, and softer than the sighs I 
breathed upon them I — lovely forehead, and such eyes! — oh! I 
thought I could look right into her heart, through those deep wells of 
liquid light. But her nose ! — here, lend me a pencil, and I '11 draw 
you her nose. 

Stan. Hum ! — has she money ? 

■Ar. Money I Dam'me, Stanmore, what a fellow 3'ou are ! I never 
thought of asking ; — no, I did nothing but look, listen, and love ! 

Stan. Pooh ! you ai'e young. I see you have not been long in 
London. 

Jlr. Three weeks, yesterday, I was weaned from Alma Mater ; — 
left St. John's with honors, and entered St. James's with glory ! 

Stan. The most recherche and aristocratic saints in the calendar ! 
AVell, during three weeks, there's not a pretty woman, from Regent 
Street to Hyde Park, who does not with justice boast a slice of your 
heart, and whom you have not been running after, crying out " Stop 
thief!" 

Ar. I! — 

Stan. They say you 've married the sex, and sent round your 
heart in little bits, instead of bride-cake. 

Ar. But I say, about this girl, though. 

Stan. Well, we must discover who and what she is, and get an in- 
troduction formally ; but pray do nothing rashly. 

Ar. There 's a good fellow — 

Enter Lenoir, d. l. h. 
Le. Major Fuss. {Exit, d. l. u. 

Enter Fuss, d. l. n. 

Fuss. Ah, boys, how are ye? (x to c.) I 'm in a devil of a hurry. 
Never mind ; — you haven't heard, have ye? — no, of course ; how 
could ye, ha ? Can either of you tell me where I can get a — 

Stan. By the way, major, were you at Lady Melton's last night? 

Fuss. Melton's ; I 've no doubt I was. Any relation to Melton 
Mowbray? Oh no, I forgot ; that's a town. 

Stan. Who was that girl Ardent was flirting with so eternally ? 

Ar. Ay, Fuss, do you know her name? 

Fuss. Oh yes, I know her. Who is she? 

Ar. Delicious hair ; — dressed in white ; — splendid figure ! 

Fuss. Splendid figure ! You mean Mrs. Comfort ? 

Ar. Did you ever see me Ayaltzing with an hour-glass? 

Fuss. She doesn't belong to the — no. Oh ! I know,— an Irish 
girl. 

Ar. Exactly ! very Irish. 

Fuss. Oh, her name is — ah — um — oh ! — 

.Jir. Yes, yes. 

Fuss. She is related to a Lord Somebody Something, of Somewhere. 

Ar. But her name? 

Fuss. Her name isn't Vandelear? nor Twiddy? nor What-d' ye- 
Ball-'em ? nor — 

Ar. Damn it, Fuss, I don't want to knovr what it isn't, but what 
it is I 

Fuss. Precisely ; but you will never fini it, if you rummage my 



10 WEST END ; OS, [ACT I. 

memory in that cari.'less way. Patience ; I must turn over every 
name that I 've heard since hers — a — I have it ! 

Ar. Have you? 

Fuss. Very nearly ; — I had a nibble — a — Rorah — Norah — 

Stan. O'Connor? 

Fuss. That 's it ! — Norah O'Connor ! Somebody told you, 

Stan, {starling forward). Impossible ! 

Fuss. I 'm certain. 

Stan, (aside). The devil it is ! I was going to help him to the very 
girl 1 intend for myself ! 

Funs. Stay ! Now I think of it, I have her in my pocket, — that 
is, her last dying — no, I mean her birth, parentage, and education. 
They are usually mixed up somehow. Here it is. {Pulls out a satin 
reticule.) Here ! — No ! I am commissioned to get this embroidered 
for Lady Gay Frippery. {Pulls out two fans.) Those are — let me 
gee — no matter ; — remind me to remember {pulls out a shoe and a 
flower) I 'm to get one of these modelled in wax for somebody — I for- 
get who ; and whether it is the shoe or the flower I can't at all remem- 
ber. {Pulls out a pocket-book.) Here we are ! Now, then. 

Stan, {aside). This alarms me. {Aloud) Pray what induced you 
to make such particular inquiries? 

Fuss. Mrs. What 's-her-name asked me to procure some informa 
tion on the point, very fresh ; and here it is — a — um — 

A r. {snatching the book). Here, allow me. {Reads) **MissJVorah 
O'' Connor, only daughter of Lord Edward Daventry and Miss 
O^ Connor. Edward was disinherited — went off suddenly at Burth- 
port, in the East Indies, of having his brains blown out, which killed 
him. She is second cousin and ward of Sir William Daventry, of 
Greenoaks ; and first cousin to" — 

Fuss. No, no! Permit me — cousin — to — to the Earl of 9tan« 
more — 

Ar. Your cousin, Stan, — first cousin. 

Fuss. I 'm just going to ride out there, and give them a call. They 
live at a villa at Fulham ; and as I am going to a breakfast at Twick- 
enham, to-night, at eight o'clock — 

Ar. Why, Stanny and I are invited. I drive him down in my cab. 

Fuss. I '11 take the Daventrys on the road. 

Ar. Then, major, oblige me by delivering this letter, there's a 
good fellow. {Gives letter.) I '11 do as much for you another time. 

Fuss. What the deuce do you take me for, — a drunken orderly or 
a postman ? Don't be mean ; — pay it ; it is only a penny. 

Ar. But this contains so much that I fear to trust it to such a 
chance. 

Fuss {taking it). Why, what 's in it? 

Ar. My heart — my soul — my love — ray all ! 

Fuss {weighing it). 'Tis under the half-ounce. 

Stan, {aside). It has no direction. 

Ar. Take the first private opportunity to give it to her. 

Stan, {aside). He has never told him who it is for. Ten to one 
Fuss will make some stupid blunder. 

Enter LcxoiRi d. l. h. 

Le. Sir William Daventry ! [Exit;, D. L. B-. 



SCENE I.J THE IRISH HEIRESS. H 

Enter Sir William DavExNTry, l>, l. ii. 

Daventry. Alia! Stanmore, lad, I've found you out, you see. 
How are ye? How d' ye do, Fuss? 

Stan, (x to Daventry). Permit me to introduce you to Percy Ar- 
dent. Sir William Daventry, Percy Ardent, my fi-iend — my cousin 
Daventry. ( They bow.) liy the way, how 's my lady cousin ? 

Bav. Eh? 

Stan. I forgot to offer you niv congratulations. 

Dav. "What for? 

Stan. Your marriage. 

Dav. (l. c. ) Ahem ! — thank ye — same to you. 

Stan. (r. c.) Indeed ! on what? 

Da V. On your celibacy, you dog ! 

Fuss (r. h.) Why now, Daventry, you are the last man I should 
have sus2:)ected of committing matrimony. 

Dav. Possibly. I never suspected it myself till I saw my pipe at 
the back of the tire, my kennel sold, and my hunters turned to hacks. 

Ar. (l. II.) I wouldn't have stood that. 

Fuss. Nor I, by the eighteenth of June, eighteen hundred and 
fifteen ! 

Dav. Would n't you ? Wait till a woman comes wheedling round 
you, with a face like a sieve of corn, and a halter behind her back. 
She slips it over your head in a jiffy, and then it 's no use kicking. 

Stan. But how did it happen ? 

Fuss. Ay, how were you caught ? 

Dav. I haven't the remotest conception. People have been telling 
me, for the last thirty years, I ought to marry ; but somehow it 
slipped my memory, till Kate Savage put me in mind of it. I don't 
know how it happened. — I have a confused recollection of blushes, 
and churches, and lawyers, and ale, and parsons, and punch, mixed 
up, till I could n't tell which was which. All I know is, I got very 
drunk, and very pathetic, and awoke the next morning with a devil 
of a headache, and — a wife. 

Stan. But what on earth brought you to town ? 

Dav. My better half. Lady Daventry having heard me swear at 
a groom, and kick him oiit-o'-doors, discovered that I had a genius 
for Parliament. Didn't see it myself, but to satisfy Kate I put up 
for my own borough ; and though there was no opposition, she in- 
sisted that it was necessary for me to have a poll, k) give the indepen- 
dent electors the opportunity of getting drunk in the cause of liberty, 
and breaking one another's heads, for the general good, according to 
immemorial custom. 

All. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Stan. How do you like London? 

Dav. The place is well enough, but the people — 

Ar. Well — 

Dav. I'll leave them alone, and hope that they will return the 
compliment. 

Fuss. Matrimony does not seem to agree with you. 

Dav. I have one poor consolation : it can only happen once in my 
life. 

^tan. Perhaps twice. 



12 WEST E-ND ; OR, [ACT 1 

Dav. No, impossible ; fov I 've given my solicitor a power of attor- 
ncy to take out a Avrit de lunatico inquircndo, if he ever liear of my 
doing so again. 

Stan. Why didn't you introduce mc to my cousin Norah, last 
night ? 

Dav. 'Pon my life, I can't remember. 

Fasi. That 's my way. I always — what d' ye call it — 

Dav Ah ! there 's a little emerald. If you had seen her when she 
came to Greenoaks, from Ireland ! — as wild as an unbroken Arab ! — 
free as the wind, and as lovely as — as herself ! She beats everything 
else in nature, by — by — 

Ar, The loveliest neck I ever looked at ! 

Dav. Nature seemed to have made her out of an April day. — 
There 's daylight in her smile, and evening's softest tinge sleeps on 
her cheek ! 

Jlr. Hear ! hear ! hear 1 Sir William, you '11 be a great speaker ! 
Just my feelings ! 

Dav. You admire my little Norah? Sir, give me your hand. — 
You are a devilish good-looking fellow, and a man of taste ! ( They 
shake hands.) 

Ar. I am ; and you are a man of discretion. 

Dav. Let me tell you, sir, her heart is as good 35 her face ! 

Ar. Better ! better ! 

Dav. Ah ! I only wish my wife was like her. 

Stan. Take care Mrs. Comfort does not hear yot. say so. 'T would 
be all over town that Lady Daventi-y was a wretched, ill-used woman. 
Remember, this place is a perfect hive of scandal ! 

Ar. And Mrs. Comfort aspires to the dignity of Queen Bee. 

Stan. She flies round, full of buzz and honey. 

Dav. And with enough sting for the whole hive. 

Enter Lenoir, d. l. ii. 

Le. The Honorable Mrs. Bolton Comfort. 

Dav. Let me out ! (x l. h.) 

Stan. I 'm not at home ! 

Le. She is waiting below, milor, in her carriage, for Major Fuss. 

Dav. Hallo, major ! \_Exit Lenoe, d. l. h. 

Stan. Oh ! I had forgotten. — She is a flame of Fuss's ! 

Ar. Now, my man of war ! 

Dav. To her ! 

Ar. Never say die ! 

Stan. Down with you. Fuss. Two to one on the widow ! Come, 
Fuss, no shirking. {Pushes him to Ardent, l. h.) 

Ar. No hedging here ! — A direct challenge I — No apology ! 
{Pushes him to l. ii. — Fuss has tea-pot in his hand. — Wishes to 
retwn and replace it, hut the party thrust him off l. ii., iciih it siili 
in his hand.) 

Dav. Go and be comforted ! 

All three. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Ardent. Stanmore. Daventry 
qiticx drop. — end of .\ct i. 



8CEXK I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 18 

ACT II. 

A BOUDOIR.— THE MAID, THE WIFE, AND THE WIDOW. 

Lady Patentry's Boudoir. — c. doors, practical. — Boor n. n. 2 e. 
— Door L. n. 2 e. 

Enter Lady and Sir William Davemry, d. r. ii. 2 e. 

Lady Daventry. Sir William Daventry, do you wish to make me 
(he ridicule of all London? Dine at two o'clock 1 — Absurd ! {Sits.) 

Dav. But, my dear Kate, will you listen lo reason? 

Lady If. No ! 

Dav. I 'm hungry ! — I 'm starving ! 

Lady D. Order lunch. 

Dav. A water-biscuit and a calfs-foot jelly ! 

Lady D. You Goth ! what brought you to town ? 

Dav. You did. 

Lady D. Yes ; but I never brought your boorish habits. I won- 
der you don't know better than to be hungry at such an hour ! 

Dav. I beg pardon. I sinned innocently. I wasn't aware that 
fashion had repealed the laws of nature. 

Lady D. There are some other matters in which you require re- 
form. 

Dav. Always delighted, my love, to — 

Lady D. There ! there ! that 's it. 

Dav. What, my soul? 

Lady D. For Heaven's sake, let me entreat you not to '* my love " 
and " my soul " me about the town. 'T is never done. 

Dav. What, is connubial affection contraband, and seized at Hj'de 
Park corner, as an illegal import ? 

Lady D. Yes. Oh ! now I think of it, never ask me to dance, aa 
you did last night. {Eying him through her glass.) 'Pon my life, 
you 're an original. Ha ! ha ! But, apropos, allow me to abuse your 
toilette. Who 's your operator ? {Rises.) 

Dav. My valet, Bob. Old Bob has dressed me these I don't know 
how many years. 

Lady D. We '11 discharge him. 

Dav. No, damn me if 1 do ! not for all the fashion in the world ! 

Lady D. Well, take another peruquicr, and don't swear; it's 
coarse ! 

Dav. Bob will do 

Lady D. Bob ! How often have I told you to call the servants by 
Jheir surnames ? 

Dav. 'Pon my life, I did n't know they ever had any. 

Lady D. Euston is his name. Your hair is worse than a corn- 
field, after a hurricane ; and look at your cravat, — for all the world 
like a fancy halter ; and your clothes — horrible ! vile I 

Dav. Good gracious ! — dear me ! — am I indecently clad ? 

Lady D. Worse, if possible. Your coat looks as if it had been cut 
out with a knife and fork, and thrown on with a shovel ; and you 're 
not a bad figure, when *' bicn mis." Yom* trowsers shamefully sculp- 



14 WEST EKD ; OK, [aCT II. 

tureii ; — altogether, such a vulgar redundancy of cloth, that — ha ' 
ha ! — it really becomes a matter of curious speculation in what cor- 
ner of that mis-shapen mass — ha ! ha ! that chaos ! — the body of 
Sir William Daventry may be concealed. 

Dav. Perhaps your ladyship can recommend me a tailor. 
Lady D. I will make inquiries. In the meanwhile, have yc u 
carefully perused the book I gave you, — " Hints on Etiquette," — 
by some Latin or Greek man? 

Dav. Yes, by a Go-Gos. It 's Greek. 
Ladxj D, Well, let him be your master. 
Dav. I have found a better. 
Lady D. Indeed ! Whom? 

Dav. Nature ! nature ! who taught me that true politeness consists 
simply in true feeling ; for a man who has a gentle heart himself will 
never wound his neighbor's wantonly. 

Lady D. Hear ! hear ! hear ! I would retail that at the next lite- 
rary conversazione, if I could remember it. 

Dav. Keep it for home use ; and believe me, those who possess the 
old-fashioned piece of human furniture need not the study of a book 
to teach them kindly thoughts. Those who have it not of r^ourse must 
iearn the rules by rote. 

Lady D. That sounds well. 

Dav. It does, and like a good instrument it will improve by prac- 
tice. But now tell nie, is there any other part of me v/hich might 
provoke a critical censure from your ladyship? {Tarns round 
slowly, while Lady Daventky eyes him, through her glass, and walks 
round him.) 

Lady D. You will require complete regeneration. There is much 
to be done ; though I fear you are too old to learn. One can't expect 
fifty years' country rust to be rubbed off by a week's town polishing. 
Dav. (seriously). Kate, that is the most undeserved and unkindly 
word you have uttered since our marriage. I don't need your cool 
taunt to feel aware I am double your age. My mirror hourly says as 
much. Remember that you married me from choice ; at least you said 
so ; and the fault, if fault there be on either side, must be on yours ; 
for years are no reproach, unless ill-spent. {He turns away, and sits 
R. H. — A pause. — She approaches and puts her arm round his 
neck.) 

Lady D. Have I offended you ? 

Dav. No ; you have hurt me. I love you too well to take offence. 
Lady D. I entreat your pardon, love. I would not wound your 
feelings for worlds ; indeed, indeed, I would not ! I only spoke for 
your own sake. There 's a little difference between our ages, as you 
well know there always should be, — always ten years, at least i -r- 
tifteen I think better. Now, as I am twenty-eight — 
Dav. No ; twenty-two. 

Lady D. No, really ; — and you are forty-five — 
Dav. Fifty ! fifty ! every hour ! 
Lady D. You are not. 
Dav. I am. 

Lady D. I say you ai'e not ! 

Dav. {atide). She has a good heart, anil damn me, they shan't 
spoil it ': (Rises.) 



SCENE 1.] THE IlllSlI UEIRES3. 15 

Lady D. Well, I would not have that difference, trifling as it may 
be, remarked or pointed at. 

Dav. AVlio cares? Let them point. 

Lady D To oblige me. 

Dav. My own dear — (Catchiriff himself.) Beg pardon ! 

Lady D. Call me Kate, or what you please. 

Dav. Well then, Kate, I have a favor to ask of you. 

Lady D. It shall be granted. 

Dav. May I request that you will not waltz? 

Lady D. Not waltz ! — what I — why not ? 

Dav. Why, you see — after all — when you come to consider that 
I — you — {Breaking out) Damn me! I don't like to see another 
man with his arms round my wife's waist, whisking round, to an in- 
fernal see-saw, donkey-braying tune ! 

Lady D. Are you mad? 

Dav. No, but I thought you were. 

Lady D. Give me patience ! Sir William Daventry, you 're a 
fool! 

Dav. Perhaps I am, Lady D. ; and better that than — 

Lady D. What, sir? 

Dav. Ahem ! No matter ; only I should like to remain as nature 
made me, — that 's all. (x io l. ii.) 

Lady D. Dine at one, dress like a Quakeress, and not waltz ! — I 
should like to know what Mrs. Comfort would say ? 

Dav. Confound that horrid woman ! 

Lady D. Horrid woman, Sir William ! She is the Lady-patroness 
of Almack's, and haut ton ! She keeps two secretaries and a pub- 
lisher ; writes novels, bound in peach-colored silk, and a wreath of 
laurel, — "Deprivation, or Tears from a Widow!" She is creme 
de la creme. Moreover, she has a hundred thousand pounds ! 

Enter Euston, d. l. ii. 2 e. 

Euslon. Mrs. Bolton Comfort. \_Exil, d. l. u. 2 e. 

Dav. Now for a flood of hyperbolics ! She will distrain heaven it- 
self to furnish her greeting ! (x to B. ii. ) 

Enter Mrs. Comfort, d. l. h. 2 e. 

Mrs. C. My beautiful angel ! you look lovelier than youi-self, this 
morning ! and last night I should have deemed that impossible. Ah I 
Sir William Daventry, I hear of you everywhere I The town is on the 
qui vive to hear you in the House ! On what question do you come 
out? St. Stephen is in a fever ! But, dear me ! where is Fuss? H« 
arrived with me. 

Lady D. Apropos, who is Fuss ? 

Mrs. C. Ay, who is Fuss? Every one has asked the same ques- 
tion for the last hundred years ! Everybody knows him. He had a 
cornetcy in the Guai'ds during the Middle Ages ; exchanged it for ma- 
jority, in the North-east Bungay Indefencibles, or Indispensables, I 
forget which ; so does he, I believe — ha ! ha ! Poor dear old soul .' 
I pet him ; he has two thousand a year ! 

Dav. Ah ! that 's a yery redeeming quality ! 



16 IVEST END ; OR, [ACT II. 

Enter Fuss, d. l. ii. 2 e. 

Mrs. C. Yco, lie 's a horrible bore! — but you know I am good- 
natured to a fault — Ah ! (x to L. c. ) My dear major ! we were 
just saying Avhat a delightful acquisition you are, now you are become 
one of us. 

Fuss. I 'm overwhelmed ! Lady Daventry, I still live the most 
prostrate of your incalculable adorers ! Bless me, what a lovely spot ! 
— quite a paradise I — as if created for its lovely mistress ! 

Z^at?. {aside). More honey for the hive. 

Fuss. Here's an exquisite spot! Ah! rather far from town, 
though ; (aside) and just outside a three-penny turnpike ! 

Lady D. It is Sir AVilliam's choice. 

Fuss. Which must be super-excellent I else had you not been the 
lovely Lady Daventry. 

Dav. {aside). That fellow is a perfect bombshell of sweet noth- 
ings. 

Mrs. C. I was just remarking to Sir William Daventry, major, 
that he is quite a lion, since he has become one of us. 

Dav. One of us ! What a horrid expression ! Such a regimental 
idea. Does she belong to us? Is she of ours? This morning, as I 
was walking in the garden, I saw my next door neighbor, over the 
paling; so I said, "How d'ye do? Fine morning. Good day." 
That was all. Well, my Lady D., there, overheard me, and I got 
half an hour's lecture; and why ? Because he didn't "belong to 
us." 

Mrs. C. What a droll man you are ! You amuse me, positively. 

Enter Eustox. n. l. ii. 2 e. 
Eus. Earl of Stanmore and Mr. Ardent. [Exit, d. l. n. 2 e. 

Enter Staxmore and Ardent, d, l. ii. 2 e. 

SITUATIONS. 
B. n. Sir fViUiam. Lady D. Mrs. C. Fuss. Stan. Ardent. h, E. 

Stan. My lovely cousin, your devoted. 

Dav. Katherine, Mr. Ardent. {Introduces them.) 

Lady D. {aside to Mrs. Comfort). Do you know him? 

Mrs. C. Intimately ; he has eight thousand a year. 

Lady D. He is decidedly handsome. 

Ar. But where is Norah ? 

Stan, {aside). Keep quiet. 

Ar. I '11 attack her ladyship, and get a general invitation to the 
house. 

Lady D. By the bye, where is Noi'ah? 

Ar. Ah ! to be sui-e, by the bye, just what I was saying, — where 
is Norah ? 

Lady D. I was not aware, Mr. Ardent, that you knew Miss 
O'Connor. 

Ar. yes, I was introduced last night. 

Mrs. C. By whom ? 



BCENE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 17 

Ar. By "whom, did you say? By -whom? {Aside to Stak- 
more) By whom, eh? 

Sta?}. (aside). Say,Fuss. 

Ar. 0, ay — by Fuss. 

Dav. By you, major ? 

Fuss. By me ? Eh ! did I ? — I forgot — oh yes, yes — certainly 

Mrs. C. I did n't know you were acquainted with her. 

Fuss. No more I am. 

All. Ha, ha, ha ! — Well done, major ! 

Mrs. C. Lady Paventry, my dear, remember that I came at your 
request, to take Norah to the breakfast at Twickenham, this evening. 
She is not ready, and I can't wait. ( Goes up.) 

Ar. There 's my cab, outside, that she can have, with pleasure. 

Stan, (aside). Are you mad ? What are you about? 

Ar. (aside). But if she goes in Mother Comfort's trap, I can't see 
her, or chat on the road. Stop, I have it ; I 'II send for my horse ; 
t'len I can ride beside her. Splendid idea ! 

Lady D. Euston ! ' 

Enter Euston, d. l. it. 2 e. 

Lady D. Where is Miss O'Connor? 

Eus. She is dressing. 

Mrs. C. Beg her to make haste. 

Lady D. Order the phaeton round in twenty minutes, 

Ar. And be so good as to tell my boy to drive home, leave the cab, 
and bring back my bay mare. Stay, 1 '11 write an order, for fear of 
any blunder. Stanmore, have you a slip of paper about you ? 

Stan. Will the back of this do ? ( Gives a letter. Aside) A billet- 
doux from my tailor. 

Ar. Ha, ha ! 

Dav. Come, Stanmore ; while Norah is dressing, I will ask your 
judgment on a brace of pointers I bought at Tattersall's, this morning. 
This way. 

&tan. With pleasure. (Aside) I must direct Ai'dent's attack from 
Norah, by putting Daventry against him. I can easily make Fuss 
swear to all I say ! (Aloud) Fuss, will you join us ? Let us explore. 

\_Exit Stanmore, Fuss, and Daventry, C. d., talking and laughing. 

Ar. Here, you sir, give my boy this, and bid him touch and go. 

{^Exit Euston, d. l. h. 2 e. 
But stay, what is this ? (Reads) "My dearest William, why did yon 
-promise to return, without " — And signed Kate Daventry. Really, 
I beg your ladyship's pardon. I see it is from you, to Sir William. 

Lady D. Impossible, sir. I never had occasion to write to him. 

Ar. Convince yourself. (Gives letter, and exit, c. d.) 

Lady L>. What can this mean? (Reads) "My dearest Wil- 
liam " — Her dearest William ! This can't be intended for him. 

Mrs. C. Oh yes, it is. Where 's the direction ? Torn otf. Ah ! 
for fear of accidents. Go on, love. 

Lady D. Do you mean to say — 

Mrs. C. I do. Go on. — I see it all ; — the dear old man has been 
a little gay. Ah ! husbands will be husbands. Read ou. 

Lady D. Do I dream ? 
2* 



18 WEST END ; OB, [ACT II. 

.Mrs. C. Oh no, you are quite awake, my dear — ahem ! and so am 
I. Never mind it. " Bless you, when my late poor dear Comfort used 
to visit his relations, fur a week or two, I never, troubled myself about 
the gender of his host, — never. But let us hear what the woman 
creature says. It may elicit an idea for my next work, — " Woman 
as she shouldn't be, or the Fatal Gift." 

Lady D. {readini/). *'Mij dearest William, why did you promise 
io return, withovt ike slightest intention of keeping your icord ? Bo 
you quite forget her who has sacrificed all, all, for your sake " — 

Mrs. C. Dear, dear ! how it puts me in mind of poor departed 
Comfort ! Ah, well ! I 've done my duty. It cost me five hundred 
pounds to put him in the family vault ; and that was a great relief to 
my feelings. But I beg pardon, — how does the letter work up ? 
Lady D. Is this possible ? 

Mrs. C. Possible ! I '11 show you a muff-case full of Comfort's ccr- 
x'espondence, which I keep as sad mementos of my loss. 

Lady D. The wretched reprobate I let him look to himself ! 

Mrs. C. I 'd make him pay dearly for it. 

Lady D. t will ! I '11 be horribly revenged ! 

Mrs. C. Do ; — demand a swingeing check, at once. He won't re- 
fuse it. Make him suffer, dear. Oh, how cautious poor dear Com- 
fort became, in his latter days ! But I retard the denouement. — 
There 's more, I hope. 

Lady D. Merciful heavens ! I am lost ! — he is married ! 

Mrs. C. What! 

Lady D. {reading). '■'■If you persist in keeping our marriage se- 
cret''— 

Mrs. C. Oh ! Comfort never went so far as that. 

Lady D. I 'm fainting ! 

Mrs. C. It will be thrown away, love. The men are not hero 

Lady D. Read, read ! I cannot see ! 

Mrs. C. Poor dear ! I foretold this, all along. Let me see — a - 
a — urn. Comes to town to-morrow — meets him at ten o'clock, in 
Park-street. How odd I that was Comfort's street. 

Lady D. And that was the reason the wretch would not take a 
house in town. 

Mrs. C. A — urn. It seems he has a family — a — a — 

Lady D. A what? 

Mrs. C. Nothing ; only a family, dear. But with that you have 
nothing to do. 

Lady D. William I 

Mrs. C. Why, you don't mean to say that you are in love with the 
man? 

Lndy D. No, I 'm not exactly. 

Mrs. C. The ugly — 

Lady D. He 's not ! No, he 's a brute, but he 's not ugly. 

Mrs. C. Old — 

Lady D. Not forty. 

Mrs. C. Why, he 's as gray as Chinchilla. 

Lady D. That 's in his family. His hair turned at twenty. 

Mrs. C. lou foolish child, you do love him. 

Lady I), {haughtily). Mrs. Bolton Comfort, that's an insnlt ! 



SCENE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 19 

Mrs. C. I beg your pardon, and withdraw the vile accusation. 
How odd I the letter is ^signed " Kate Daventry." 

Ldiiy I). Has the wretch married two Kates? 

Mrs. C. {lookiiuj at the letter). Can I believe my eyes? The num- 
ber in Park-street mentioned here is Stanmore's house ! 

Lady D. Would Lord Stanmore lend himselr to such an act? 

Mrs. C. Here he cumes. We shall see. 

Enter StaNiMORE, c. d. l. ii. 

Lady D. Lord Stanmore, have you given permission to my husband 
to make your house the rendezvous for a disgraceful assignation ? 

Stan. My house I — never! Assignation! with whom? 

Lady D. Some person with whom he was acquainted previous to 
our marriage. 

Stan. Sir William Daventry? Impossible! You wrong him. 

Lady D. I have proofs. 

Stan. My dear madam, they must be false. 

Lady D. Are they? Read that. {Places letter before his eyes.) 

Stan. The devil ! (Feeling in pocket, draws out another letter, 
and looks at it. Aside) I gave Ardent the wrong letter, by Jove ! 

Lady D. Read it. 

Stan, {looking at letter). Dear me ! who would have thought it? 

Lady JD. Must not the object of that letter be a villain? 

Stan. Horrible ! {Puts it in his pocket.) 

Lady D. No, give it back again, if you please. {Takes letter.) 
Thank you. Now, my husband will ask you for the loan of your 
house. Oblige me by giving it. 

Mrs. C. What then? 

Lady D. If he has dared to wrong me, as I suspect, I am deter- 
mined to get fi-om him — 

Mrs. C. Damages ! 

Lady D. A deed of separation. 

Mrs. C. You are mad, my love. Separation ! What good will 
that do? You'll be allowed five hundred a year. Comfort would 
have given his eyes to have pensioned me off ; but I knew better ; ha, 
ha I Why, now, observe; — 3'ou are separated; good. Do you 
think the woi'ld will inquire whose fault it is? Pooh ! not a bit of 
it. Besides, you are young and lovely ; he is shady ; that will look 
odd. So your carriage, your diamonds, your pin-money, and all the 
rest of jour appurtenances, too tedious to mention, go to the un- 
lawful usurper. Pooh, pooh ! I know the law on that point back- 
wards. Bless your little puzzled head ! don't put it into the noose. — 
That 's just what he 'd like. 

Lady D. What can I do? Shall I show him the letter at once, and 
confound him? 

Stan. On no account, my dear cousin. That would gain no end. 
He would deny it altogether, perhaps. 

Mrs. C. Of coui'se he would. Comfort always did. 

Lady L>. W^hat shall I do? — what shall I do? Advise something 
horrible ; because I feel as if I could do it. 

Mrs. C. I don't altogether like that pretty Irish cousin of his, 
Cousins on a visit ; — never knew good come of it. 



20 WEST END ; OR, [ACT H, 

Lady D. i'ou dou't mean to assert — 

Mrs. C. No ; but hint, my love ; merely hint. If I were in your 
place I would request her to seek another asylum. 

Lady 1). But what cause can I give for abandoning the poor 
girl? 

Mrs. C. Is she poor ? 

Lady D. Penniless. 

Mrs. C. Oh ! then you need not give her any cause at all. Poor ! 
(SiK William and Ardent lavgh without, c. d. l. h.) Hush ! here 
comes Sir William. I will undertake to break the matter to dear 
ISorah. She can go as governess or companion. I know a family in 
Baker-street that give thirty pounds per annum, and find new mourn- 
ing twice a year. 

Lady D. I don't know what I 'm doing, (x r. c.) 

Stan, {aside). If all comes out, she can't say I joined in this de- 
ceit. No, but I could not criminate myself by owning the letter. 

Enter Sir William Daventry and Ardent, c. d. l. h. — Enter 'Ev!3- 
TOxV, d. l. h. 2 E. 

Eus. Your ladyship's phaeton is ready ; Miss O'Connor waits in 
Mrs. Comfort's carriage ; and Mr. Ardent, your horse has arrived. 

I Exit, D. L. u. 2 E. 

Lady D. Come, Mrs. Comfort. 

Dav. Permit me to escort — 

Lady D. {drawing herself up). Sir ! 

Dav. My love ! 

Lady D. {aside to him). Your love ! Ila, ha ! I despise a second 
hand affection ! (x to l. h.) 

Lav. Why, Kate ! 

Lady D. Lady Daventry, sir ! 

At. {aside). I '11 off to Norah. 

Lady D. Mr. Ardent, oblige me with your arm. 

Ar. Eh? Oh! {Giving it. Aside) How damned annoying ! 

Lady D. As you are going to the fete, 1 '11 drive you in my phae- 
ton. 

Ar. I shall feel delighted ! {Aside) I 'm agonized ! {Aloud) Then, 
Stanmore, as I brought you down in my cab, I leave my horse to you. 
At your ladyship's service. {Aside) I hope she will upset me. 

[Exit, with Lady Daventry, d. l. ii. 2 e. 

Mrs. C. She '11 do. The girl has spirit. 

Dav. Mrs. Comfort, might I ask what 's the matter ? 

Mrs. C. We must leave an impression, without committing her. 
A little mystery will tell well here. {Turns round, and looks sadly.) 

Lav. Ah! yes, I see. (Mrs. Comfort shakes her head.) "Well? 

[ Exit Mrs. Comfort, d. l. h. 2 e. 
Will anybody tell me what has happened? 

Stan. I would not let her drive him, if I were you. 

Dav. Why not? 

Stan. Are you not aware he is called Lady Daventry 's coach-dog? 

Dav. No ! 

Stan. Follow her phaeton, passing. 

Dav. Eustou ! (x to l. h.) 



SCENE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 21 

Enter Euston, d. l. h. 2 h. 
Dav. Order me a horse ! — order me two horses ! 

[Exit EUSTOX, D. L. H. 2 E. 

I '11_I 'll_oh ! I knew what would be the consequences of coming 
up to town ! {Exit, D. L. n. 2 e. 

Stan. Where the deuce is Fuss? Oh, he has been left somewhere, 
and has forgotten himself. Well, I will take his seat beside Norah. 
Euston ! 

Enter Euston, d. l. k. 2 e. 

Tell Major Fuss my horse is at his service. {Exit, r. l. h. 2 e. 

E7iter Fuss, c. d. l. h. 

Eus. Sir, your horse waits. 

Fuss. My horse ? You mean Mr. Ardent's or Lord Stanmore's. 

Eus. No, sir ; his lordship has gone in Mrs. Comfort's cari-iage. 

Fuss. In my seat ! The devil he has ! 

Eus. And requests you '11 make any use of Mr. Ardent's horse you 
please. 

Fuss. Use ! A major in the standing army outflanked by a fellow 
who doesn't know a bombshell from a squib ! Make any use of him 
I please ! I '11 ring his metal ! And the rascal has forgot to leave 
me the ticket of the turnpike. A premeditated insult. I '11 have him 
out ! I 'II make him apologize, or, what d' ye call it. 

{Exit, D. L. u. 2 Ti.jfolloiced by Euston, 

QUICK DROP. — END OF ACT II. 



ACT III. 

THE FETE CHAJIPETKE. — LOYE IN AN ARBOR. 

The Banks of the Thames, at Twickenham, discovering a set Villa, 
IR. 11., and grounds laid out and illuminated for a fete chamj)ttre. 
— Richmond Hill is seen at a distance. — Characters, guests, ^c, 
promenading. — Music behind, on n. u., playing a quadrille.— 
Garden-seat on l. ii. 

Enter Stan more, //*07« pavilion, r. ii. 

Stan. Matters are becoming more serious than I intended. Lady 
Daventry's open flirtations with Ardent are the talk of every one. 
Bir William is nearly at his wits end. I never foresaw this. How- 
ever, what 's done is done ; and I must back it up. Poor Percy, in 
an agony, watched Norah whisking round the room, in the rapid 
walti,, in every man's arms but his. {Music ceases.) By .Jove! 
here lie comes. How has he got rid of her ladyship ? 

Enter Ardent, //•o/h pavilion, r. u. 
jir. Where is she? 
Stan. Who? Lady Daventry ? 



22 -WEST END ; OB, [ACT III. 

Ar. 'Pou my life, it "was too bad of you. Why didn't you come 
and pick me up ? She has kept me all this time in a coiner, pegging 
away at me with her matrimonial miseries, asking me if she wasn't 
an angel, and — 

Stan. Well? 

Ar. Oh, of course I said yes, and wished her in heaven, with all 
my heart. Quadrille began at last ; so I said I was engag.ed, and left 
her with an unfinished tale of her sorrows, "to be continued in our 
next," as the magazines have it. I say, what were you pouring into 
Norah's ear so passionately? I won't have it. Fair play. If you 
are going to enter the lists, and run for the Norah stakes, no sneak- 
ing. 

Stan. I was raising you in her estimation, till you were neai'ly out 
of sight. 

Ar. Oh ! How do I stand ? 

Stan. The favorite ; but she is as wild as an Arab. 

Ar. Exactly; — stops for a moment — snuffs tlie air — tosses up 
her head, and on she goes again. I 've hopes, though. 

Stan. Yes, but you are too modest. 

Ar. Do you think so? 

Staji. By half. Let me be your agent. 

Ar. Thank ye all the same ; but I like my love homo-made. 

Stan. As you please ; but I thought a mutual confidant prevents 
quarrels, or cures them. Eh? I could prepare the way for you. 
How do you feel ? 

Ar. Like a boy lending another his apple, for a bite ; — you might 
take a mouthful too much. 

Stan. Did n't I introduce you ? 

Ar. You did, thank you ; and you 've made me very miserable. 

Stan. Why so? 

Ar. I don't know, and I 'm out of breath with trying to find out. 
I 'm pent up, and yet free. I possess all the restrained agony, and 
wild, headlong temper of an indignant bottle of soda-water. I want 
to get out. 

Stan. You are mad ! 

Ar. I look with fury on the passive indifference of humanity. The 
world is half asleep, and forgets to turn quick enough. I should like 
to see the sun running a race with its own shadow, and giving long 
odds and a start, — something whiz — quick ! In fact I want a regu- 
lar off-hand row in nature, to keep time with that in my heart ! 

Stan. (L. II.) What does Norah say to all this ? 

Ar. (r. II.) Oh, with her I am as tame as a pet poodle, and as 
grave as a parrot. (Music behind n. ii. — waltz, very piano.) 

Stan. Then here she comes, to take you down a peg. 

Ar. Leave us, that 's a good fellow. I'll do as much for you, 
another time, (x to l. h.) 

Stan, {aside). I fear I have no chance. I '11 do the magnanimous. 
— I '11 send Mrs. Comfort. I know she is anxious to tell Norah Lady 
Daventry's wishes. As I see Norah is in love with Percy, I '11 give 
her up to him. Ah ! I am too good-natured for this world ! {He 
(joes lip, and exit n, H., into pavilion.) 

Enter Noraif, r. ii. 2 e. 



SCENE I.] THE imSII HEIEESS. 23 

Ar. My dear Miss O'Connor ! I was seeibg JM. 

JVorah. Well, here I am. What do you want? 

Ar. Nothing particular. 

JVor. Then you ai*e easily satisfied. 

Ar. You are fond of waltzing. 

j\or. It depends upon whom I am waltzing with. At present, I 
think this place cooler and pleasanter. (Aside) I could give another 
reason. — I 'd rather walk here with him than waltz with a dozen al! 
at once. But however, I '11 keep that to myself. 

Ar. May I hope you will favor me with the next ? 

JVor. Oh yes, two or three, if you like. But let us walk a minute, 
to rest ourselves. {Music ceases.) 

Ar. You seem fond of society. (They icalk.) 

J^''or. Yes, it is only within the last two or three days that it has 
become endurable. 

Ar. (aside). Just the time she has known me ! (Aloud) Look 
now at the ball-room. — The old ladies stuck against the walls, like 
placards ofiering rewards for matrimony and an establishment. The 
young ones like a flock of sheep, hustling over one another, round a 
butcher's door, wondering who '11 be taken off first. Then come your 
professed dancers, genei'ally roues, un peu passe. 

JYor. I saw an old gentleman, just now, tottering across the room, 
with difficulty. I ran to help him to a chair. Bless you, the poor 
dear old man wanted me to waltz. Ha, ha ! Oh well, commend me 
to Kilkenny, before St. James's. 

..?/•. I never was there. 

./^''or. Indeed ! 

Ar. Never in my life. 

A'or. Then you will never know what living is, till you do go 
there. The sky is bluer ; the grass is greener ; it never rains but 
when you want it ; the ditches are wider, and the foxes have longei 
brushes than in any other county in Ireland ! Oh I you must go 
there. You will never come out of it alive. 

Ar. That 's a very strong recommendation. 

ATir. You '11 be killed by the height of good living. If you at- 
tempt to leave the place before Heaven takes you, there 's not a man, 
woman, or child there who would not consider himself, herself, or it- 
self personally insulted. Only take care and don't get shot before 
you 're tired of it. 

Ar. Shot ! what for? 

J\'or. Oh, twenty things ; — accident, or diversion, or — 

Ar. Thank you ; I prefer a natural death. 

J\''or. Sure isn't that a natural death? Where 's the good of dy- 
ing of a fever? Faith, if you did, maybe they'd hold, an inquest 
over you ; it is so mighty rare. Say no more, now. To-morrow I '11 
write to Pierce Delaney, and bid him expect you. I '11 tell him to 
give you my horse. White Lightning. Oh, he's a beauty ! — bright 
bay, and black legs. To get on him is impracticable, and Vi'heu 
mounted, to keep him down upon the earth impossible. 'T was Pierce 
und the boys taught me to ride. 
Ar. Boys ! Are they young men ? 
J^or. Oh, pretty fair ; — from fifty to seventy. When I was ten 



21 WEST EXD •, OE, [ACT HL 

years old he put me on the back of a hunter, bid me hold fost by my- 
self, and keep on tight ; so that by the time I was fifteen there wasn't 
a quadruped in the five counties, possessed of a back, that I feared to 
run at a six-foot stone fence, — ay, and lend him a fifth leg to help 
him over it, if necessary. Oh I you will enjoy it. 

Ar, But I should like some kind of an introduction. 

JVb?*. You are your own introduction. The Delaneys' door has 
Jain open since the days of Brian Boroihme, and wouldn't shut now, 
if he wanted it. There 's the cup and the trencher, hand and heart, 
and cead mile failte for all ; and if you choose to live there forever, 
why what would prevent ye? And when, after you're dead, is not 
Kilkenny church the oldest and finest in Ireland ? And would n't the 
Delauey give you your choice of the best of it ? Ah, be sure he would, 
and welcome. 

Ar. I '11 buy an estate there directl3^ 

JVor. Do; there's plenty to sell — more 's the pity. But when 
you 've got it, take my advice — keep it. 

Ar. I 'd place a lady as steward. She would be lenient, (jf 
\}ause — walking. ) 

J^''or. Yes, too lenient. 

A r. How so ? 

JVor. It 's not much rent you 'd get out of it. Ila, ha ! 

Ar. "Why not? 

JSTor. Oh, you don't know the Kilkenny boys. After half an 
hour's comedtherin, as they call it, the poor girl would imagine her- 
self paid, and give a quittance into the bargain. 

Ar. Indeed ! I must take a lesson in that art. 

JCor. It 's all taught in one word. 

Ar. And what's that? 

JVor. Blarney. 

Ar. Ha, ha ! (Aside) Now's my time. My soul's in arms, and 
eager for the fray. I '11 try a little ruse first. {Aloud) How grieved 
I am that I shall be obliged to curtail our acquaintanceship. 

JVbr. Oh ! why? why? 

Ar. 1 leave England to-morrow. 

J\or. Nonsense ! 

Ar. Business of importance, 

JVor. 0, I 'm so sorry ! Can't you send ? 

Ar. No. 

J^^'or. Well, that 's always my luck. — The instant I find any one I 
care for, they 're sure to be olF. There was poor Terence Fita- 
gerald — 

Ar. But had he business of very great importance ? 

JVoj". Yes, very, — he died. 

Ar. One thing would induce me to stop. 

J\ror. "What is it? 

Ar. If you would ask me to remain. 

JVor. Oh, sure I have ! I do ! Stop — do stop ! 

Ar. For your sake ? 

JVor. Eh? 

Ar. {draivinr; nearer). Say remaic f:r rzy sal:; 

JS'hr. I don't understand you. 



SCENE 1.] THE misn HEIRESS. 25 

Ar. (aside). What naivete ! Another girl wculd have ordered a 
trousseau and printed cards, for half as much. (Aloud) Must I be 
explicit? Dearest Norah ! you are the only inducement I have to re- 
main in London. Had I not adiope — 

J\''or. (quidlxj, and half aside). Oh ! I understand you now. ^ 

Ar. I love you, Norah, passionately ! — with such an adoration as 
a nature wild as mine is only capable of conceiving 1 Speak ; — you 
are your own mistress. 

JVcr Ah ! Do you know I am penniless and an orphan ? 

Ar. A double reason to accept my wealth and protection. 

JSTor. (with naivett). Are you sure you know what you are about? 

Ar. Do not hold me in suspense ! Give me — 

JVor. Sure, I have nothing to give. 

Ar. Your heart. 

J^or. That 's yours already. 

Ar. I 'm in heaven ! (Kisses her.) 

JS'or. No ; husli ! you are in Twickenham (Music, piano, he- 
hind R. H.) 

Enter Mes. Co'sitojx.t, from pavilioii, r. ii. 

Mrs. C. Oh, dear ! dear ! how grieved I am ! I '11 speak another 
time. I — (Going.) 

JVor. Star ! 

Mrs. C. (R. H.) I saw nothing, mind, — positively nothing ! How 
cruel was I to interx'upt the gentleman in the freshness of his ardor ! 

JVbr. (c.) His ardor will keep, ma'am, longer than your silence. 

Mrs. C. You may confide in my discretion. 

JVor. But we have nothing to confide. 

Mrs. C. Oh ! I crave a moment of your dear time. Ahem ! it is 
rather a delicate subject. 

JVb?-. Then pray end it as soon as possible. 

Mrs. C. You may have observed that Lady Daventry is of rather 
a fickle temper ? 

JVor. So it has often struck me. 

Mrs. C. Sir William Daventry is anything but an ill-looking 
man. 

J\''or. So it has often struck me. 

Mrs. C. And you are very pretty. 

JVor. So it has often str — I mean, that 's a matter of taste. 

Mrs. C. Lady Daventry has become ridiculously jealous of her old 
husband. 

Ar. (l. n.) Do you mean that she is jealous of old Greenoaks and 
Norah ? that is, I — Miss O'Connor? 

JVor. Never mind ; tell me at once ; — does Lady Daventry con- 
eider me an intruder in her house ? 

Mrs. C. My dear love, a few words apart will explain her reason 
for jealousy. ( Music ceases. ) 

J\"or. No, T want no reason. You have said enough. 

Mrs. C. But, my dear — 

JVor. I will seek Sir William. (Going up, R. h.) 

Ar. So will I. 

Afrs. C. But he doesn't know a word of it. 
3 



I 



26 "WEST END ; OS, [A.CT IIL 

J\''or. Faith, then he shall I {Exit into pavilion, R, H 

jjr. Yes, he shall ; — (x c.) — faith, then he shall ! {MusiCfpi- 
atiOf behind k. n.) 

Enter Stanuore, front pavilion, b. h. 

Oh, Stanmore, "will you ask Fuss to return the letter I gave him this 
morning. Get it from him, will you? thank you. 

{Exit into pavilion, B. H 

Enter Sir William Daventry and Fuss, r. n. 2 e. 

SITUATIONS, 
it. H. stanmore. Fuss. Sir William. Mrs. Comfort. L. H. 

Bav. I am determined to do something horrible, to somebody. 
Things cannot continue in this state. I cannot remain in the room, a 
witness to her outrageous conduct. 

Mrs. C. It c€f tainly is flagrant. 

Stan. Fuss, Ardent says you need not deliver that letter he gave 
you this morning. {Music ceases.) 

Fuss. Letter, letter ; oh yes ! Ton my life, I had quite forgotten 
it! Here it is. Let me see, who was it intended for? — someone 
here ; yes. Oh ! Lady Daventry, wasn't it? 

Mrs. C. Lady Daventry ! 

Fuss. He said take the first opportunity to deliver it. Soldo — 
there it is. {Gives it to Sir William.) 

JDav. Wrote to my wife I 

Stan, {aside). Ha, ha ! this is Fuss's perfection of a blunder ! 

Mrs. C. What can it contain? 

Fuss. I think he mentioned — a — urn — oh yes, it contains his 
lieart — his soul — his all ! 

Dav. The devil it does ! Then by your leave — {Opens it^ and 
reads) ^^Madam, you will doubtless be surprised, but I trust not Of- 
fended, by receiving this deferential address, from one -whom you 
cannot look on but as a stranger.''^ Oh ! 

Fuss. Ah! 

Dav. I thought there was something at the bottom of it. 

Stan, {aside). And a confounded deal moi-e than you suspect. 

Dav. {reading). '*If unacceptable, pardon it as a mere madness, 
rather than condemn it as a wanton insult." Now, that 's remark- 
ably elegant and respectful ! 

Mrs. C. Very! Goon. {Looks over his shoulder, with anxiety.) 

Dav. " As a wanton insult ! " I admire that excessively 1 

Mrs. C. Pray go on I 

Dav. " Wanton insult ! " Eh ? — what? . Oh Lord ! 

Stan. Now for it. 

Dav. {reading). ^'Loveliest of created beings, I adore you to dis- 
traction ! " 

Fuss. That 's rather strong. 

Dav. {reading). ^^jYow you have stolen nry heart, give it me back, 
or take the rest.'" Where am I? 

Mrs. C. I hope Lady Daventry has given him no encouragement. 

JDav. She has ! sb* has ! Oh, my head is getting giddy I 



BOENE 1.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 27 

Fuss. Never mind that, if it gets nothing else. 

Dav. My dear friend, lend me your advice. 

Funs. Lend ! I despise the word, sir ! I '11 give it you. 

Dav. Thank you. 

Fuss. Don't mention it ; you are quite welcome. I have more than 
I want, and it never was of the slightest use to me. 

Dav. My wife must have encouraged him, or he never would have 
dared to write that. {Music, piaiio, behind R. u.) 

Mrs. C. Here she conies. Perhaps you 'd {ylancing at Sir Wil- 
liam) like to speak to her? AYho is she looking for? Oh, Mr. Ar- 
dent, I suppose. How very indiscreet, I must say ! Major, am I not 
engaged to you? 

Fuss. I quite forgot. Yes ; allow me. 

\_Exeunt Mrs. Comfort and Fuss, into pavilion, b. h. 

Dav. I see Ardent coming. Keep him off, Stanmore ; and tell him 
if he does not desist from his obvious flirtatious with my wife, that — 

Slan. He must take the consequences. 

Dav. Exactly. 

Enter Ardent, //•o??i pavilion, r. n. 

Ar. (c.) My dear Stanmore ! I cannot escape that devil of a 
woman, Lady Daventry 1 She meets me at every corner, while Norah 
is invisible. 

Enter Lady 'DxyEJUiHY, from pavilion, r. h. 

Here she is again, by Jove I 

[Exeunt Stanmore and Ardent, into pavilion, b. h. 

Dav. There she is. {Music ceases.) How lovely she looks ! I 
will not show her Ardent's letter. It might put her on her guard. 

Lad^j D. Well, Sir William, have you quite concluded your flirta- 
tion with Miss O'Connor? 

Dav. Don't be ridiculous. 

Lady D. (R. ii.) Sir William Daventry. 

Dav. Ma'am. 

Lady D. Will you answer me one question? 

Dav. To the best of my powei'. 

Lady D. Do you consider me a fool, or worse ? 

Dav. Candidly? 

Lady D. Candidly ! 

Dav. Well then, candidly — I consider you worse. 

Lady D. Not so blind but I can see through your iniquities. 

Dav. Good gracious! I've been doing something horrible, and I 
tlon't know what it is I 

Lady D. I pity the victims of your wickedness, and despise you ! 

Dav. You are very kind. 

Lady D. Do you dare to look me in the face ? 

Dav. Yes ; and a very good looking face it is. Rather cloudy just 
now, though. 

Lady D. {aside). I will give him a hint. Listen, sir ! I 've found 
you out. {Whispers.) 

Dav. Have you? {Whispers.) 

Lady D. I don't wish to make your horrid atrocities public 



2b WEST EXD ; OR, [ACT III. 

Dav. Thank you. 

Lady D. Hush ! 

JDav. Eh? 

Lady D. She has come to town. ( Whisper ii^.) 

Lav. {whispering in same manner). Has she, though? Well, you 
do astonish me. 

Lady D. And I know it. Now, Sir William, what have you to 
say? 

Dav. I hope she 's well. 

Lady D. (aside). I see, I see ; he'll brazen it out. Nothing but 
iny going to Lord Stanmore, and convicting him to his face, will make 
him own the truth. He is case-hardened. Oh ! that I could retali- 
ate in any way, and make him jealous by any means ! 

Lav. And now. Lady Daventry, that you have emptied that pack 
of nonsense out of your temper, permit me to speak, and to inform 
you, definitively, that I will not sanction your intimacy with Mr. 
Ardent. 

Lady D. (aside). It is coming, I do believe. (Aloud) Nor I yours 
with iNliss O'Connor. 

Lav. Pooh ! she is a little girl ! 

Lady D. And he is a little boy, if you come to that. 

Dav. Yes, madam ; but little boys are frequently very dangerous 
members of society. 

Lady D. And so are old men, sir. 

Dav. In short, I shall forbid him the house. 

Lady D. And I '11 do the same by Norah. 

Dav. Dare you? 

Lady D. Ay, Sir William, anything I You do not know me yet, I 
Bee. 

Dav. I see I don't. I only wish I had known as much three months 
ago. 

Lady D. (aside). If I can only keep cool, now. 

Dav. You are the common point and talk of the town already. 

Lady D. Talk of the town ! Explain yourself ! 

Dav. Well, if you will have it out, 1 say that if that young scamp 
does n't follow up the hint that you have given to him, why he 's a 
cooler blooded man than I was at his age ; and now you have it, Lady 
Daventry. 

Lady D. (aside). He's getting too hot. (Aloud) Do you dare to 
suspect my honor? 

Dav. Honor ! Ha, ha ! 

Lady D. I dare you to prove your words ! 

Dav. Oh ! Lady Daventry, the woman who outrages every feeling 
of love to her husband, and respect to herself ; who flirts, who ogles, 
and lives upon the very brink of shame, lacks but an object to plunge 
headlong into eternal ruin ! ( Waltz, piano, behind R. h.) 

Lady D. (aside). Now, doesn't that sound like innocence? 'Pon 
my life, it 's wonderful ! I hear a waltz commencing. (Aloud) Mr. 
Ardent has what you want, to appreciate me properly, — he has 
brains. 

Dav. Has he? Then he shan't have 'cm long, if there 's a pistol 
to be had. Damme, but I '11 equalize our pretensions in that respect. 



JJCKNfc I.] TlIK IRISH HEIRESS. 29 

Lady D. (uside). I Tvish I could see Ardent. No matter; I'll 
pretend. {Aloud) Ali, Mr. Ardent ! I had forgotten my engagement. 
What a delicious thing a waltz is ! {Aside) That 's severe. {Aloud) 
Have I kept you waiting? I 'm very sorry. {Music ceases.) 

[Exit into pjvilion, R. n. 

Dav. What can she mean by her inuendoes : "I know all" — 
"she has come to town" — "my depravities"? It's that horrid 
woman, again. That Mrs. Comfort has been snivelling at her, for a 
wretched woman, and she believes it. I 'II go and explain. No, hang 
me if I do ! I 'm the oifended party. I '11 watch her closely. ( Waltz ^ 
very piano, behind R. ii.) I •would scorn to play the spy ; but where 
is she ? Hallo ! there she is, waltzing in the arms of a ten- foot guards- 
man. What a disgraceful position for a married woman ! I say, you 
sir, I 'm in a fever ! I wonder if he has a wife. I '11 find out ; and 
if h3 has, I 'II — I 'II — I 'II waltz with her, and be revenged ! 

Enter ^TAnmoREf from pavilion, r. h. 

You have told Ardent that I consider his flirtations with my wife in- 
Bulting? 

Stan. (r. h.) I did. He laughed, and sung something about kiss- 
ing and prattling with fifty fair maids. 

Dav. Let him keep to his maids, then, and leave my wife alone. 
However, we shall see if the young gentleman can fight, as well aa 
sing. Request him to name his time, place, and weapons. 

Stan. I think it right to inform you that he has some deep scheme 
afoot with respect to your ward. 

Dav. What the devil ! — both at once ! 

Stan. I fear that Lady Daventry has become jealous of his atten- 
tions to Norah. 

Enter Ardent, hastily and out of breath, from pavilion, n. h. 

Ar. I 've had three hair-breadth escapes from that imminently 
deadly woman. Beg pardon; — never mind. Here's a letter from 
Norah — I mean Miss O'Connor. {Gives letter to Davehthy, and 
goes up.) 

Dav. {opening letter , and reading). ^^Mydear Sir William, Lady 
Daventry has intimated to vie that she considers my presence under 
her roof as an intrusion. 1 have therefore withdrawn, Mrs. Com- 
fort having kindly offered me the use of hers. Do not blame Kate. 
Your affectionate JVorah." What can this mean? 

Stan. Ask Mr. Ardent to explain it. 

Dav. What shall I do ? Norah must return. 

Stan. On no account. Let me remain here in her place, and my 
house in town is at her service. Mrs. Comfort can live there with 
her, for propriety's sake, until this quarrel is made up. 

Dav. Stay ; I '11 put Kate to the test. I will tell her that it is my 
intention to accompany my ward back to Ireland. I will give her 
full scope with that young scamp, while I, quietly domiciled in your 
house, may watch the efl'ects. 

Stan. Excellent! 

Ar. Here she comes again ! {Runs doxon, r. ii.) This is too 



30 WEST END ; OR, [AOT IT. 

bad I Staa, protect me ! Sir William, I promised Miss O'Connor to 
get an answer. {Exeunt Akdent and Stanmore, into pavilion^ r. h. 

Enter Lady Daventry, r. h. 2 e. 

Bav. Read that letter. 

Lady D. {looking over letter). Well? 

Dav. I leave this house to-night, to conduct that ill-used girl to 
the home in Ireland where she was beloved as she ought to be. 

Lady D. Yes ; and you will lead her from the home in England 
where she was beloved as she ought not to be. 

Dav. Will you recall my ward ? 

Lady D. No ! 

Dav. Nor ask her pardon? 

Lady D. Never ! 

Dav. Then mark me : here we separate forever ! 

Lady D. Very well ; — very well, sir. {Aside) Ah ! what have I 
done? 

Dav. (l. h.) The deeds shall be prepared. 

Lady D. Be it so. Ha, ha ! 

Dav. If I leave you now, it is never to return ! 

Lady D. (r. h.) Go ! 

Dav. You have said it. [Exit, l. h. u. e. 

(Lady Daventry' attempts to speak, but falls fainting on a scat, with 
face to L. u.) 

Reenter Ardent, e. h. 2 e. 

Jir. {going to her). Did you call me? {She turns round, hastily 
and haughtily. — Ardent runs oJfR. u. 2 e., alarmed.) 

QUICK drop. — end of ACT III. 



ACT IV. 

THE APPOINTMENT. 



Jl Dining-room in Stanmore's House. — Tormentor-door, practical, 
R. H. 1 e., with key in it. — Tormentor-door, practical, l. n. 1 e., 
to open on stage. — Door, practical, r. h. 2 e., with key in it. — 
Door, practical, l. ii. 2 e. — An interior room, icith massive console 
table, chandeliers, and sofa, is seen through large folding doors, c. 
— Stanmore and Daventry discovered at table, in front, over 
their wine, taking it very easy, with their legs reposing on chairs, 
from which the ladies are supposed to have just withdrawn. 

Dav. {partially intoxicated). Pass the wine. 

Stan. We shall have to adjourn presently to Mrs. Comfort and Miss 
O'Connor. Allow me to prescribe moderation. 

Dav. Suppose we brew. Let 's have punch. After Madeira like 
this I 'm wonderful. But you never saw me after punch. The ef- 
fects are supei'natural. Ring for the causes. 

Stan No, no. 



BCENE I.] THK IRISH IIEIRESS. 81 

Dav. Do see me after punch ! — do ! 

Stan. "lis getting late ; time flies ! 

Dav. Does he? I wish time would take my wife with him. I suy, 
Stanny, do you think she suspects that I am here in London, and in 
your house 't 

Stan. Has not the remotest idea of it. She imagines you are in 
Dublin by this time. 

Dav. And Norah ? 

Stan. Is with you. 

Dav. Can we rely on Mrs. Comfort's silence? 

Stan. Implicitly. 

Enter Lexoir, d. l. h. 1 e. 

Lc. Madame Comfort and Miss O'Connor say coffee is waiting, my 
lors. 

Stan, (aside). Thank heaven ! Come, Daventry. 

Dav. Shall I? 

Stan. If you can. 

Dav. That Madeira is superb ! One more glass, I '11 go. (At- 
tempts to rise, but fails.) It 's diflBcult. 

Stan. It is, very. Take my arm. (Coming forward xciih Dav- 
entry.) 

Dav. (r. II.) I hate a man who gets drunk. 

Stan. (l. II.) So do I. 

Dav. Why doesn't he stop, when he can't go on? 

Stan. Exactly. 

Dav. You have taken too much, Stanny. 

Stan. No. 

Dav. You have, you dog ! — you have ! Let me advise you 
against it, my dear boy, Stanny. I love you — but don't stagger — 
hold fti-st by me — there. Here's a fellow that positively wanted 
punch — punch - 

Stan, (aside). I fear he is too far gone for the ladies. 

Dav. Go to bed, and I '11 apologize for you to the coffee ; or, if you 
will go into the room, don't speak to the women. Sit down ; I '11 
carry it off for you. 

Stan, (aside). He 's in a very high state of preservation. 

Dav. Did you ever hear me speak ! Mr. Chairman ! — Mr. Chair- 
man ! (trying to get vp), I rise with great hesitation and difficulty, 
and a degree of backwardness — (Staggering.) 

Stan. This way. 

Dav. (suddenly becoming pathetic). I 'ra a villain ! 

Stan. You are. Come. 

Dav. We are all a set of villains ! 

Sta7i. We are ! we are ! — yes. 

Dav. Stanny, I don't know how it is, but somehow after dinner, 
which I look upon as the most philosophical era in the day, when the 
Internal man is well packed, and incapable of containing any more, 
the ideas get on the top, and, taking a bird's-eye view of humanity, 
they begin to perceive the utter futility of all mundane things. Do 
you know, I can distinctly perceive the rotation of the globe on its owt 
«.i|«— ■^' " \ctly. 



82 WEST EAD ; OR, [act IV. 

Stan. How odd ! Hold fast, there, or it may carry you away. 

Bav. Who cares if it did, so it didn't carry me to my wife. How 
pitifully pathetic I feel I — how sadly affectionate ! Poor Kate ! — dear 
Norah ! — adored Stanny ! I'm but a man, after all. I could cry 
now at anything. Give me something to cry at. I could shed tears 
on the spot. 

Stan. Could you? 

Dav. Show me anything — I don't care what it is — and I '11 cry 
at it. 

Stan. Here, Lenoir, the sofa. {Points c. — Lenoir runs up /o 
O. p.) Lie down there, for half an hour. 

Dav. I will. 

Stan, And dream of your wife. 

Dav. Ah ! isn't she a devilish nice woman? What a lovely crea- 
ture she is, eh ! ( Goes up 7vilh Stanmore to c, d. ) 

Stan. Beautiful! {Puts Sir William on sofa, c, a^id closes 0, 
doors.) 

Dav. Stanny, my boy — {dropping ciff") — Stanny. 

Stan, {opening c. doors). Eh? 

Dav. Pass the wine — and let's have punch — {softer) — punch 
. — {softer) — punch I 

Stan. He's off! {Closes c. doors.) 

Dav. {louder). Stanny ! 

Stan, {opening c. doors). Ah I 

Dav. Punch — punch. 

Stan. That was only the last flash. He is out. 

Le. Oui, milor, punch is go out. {Closes c. doors.) 

Stan. (l. h., advancing). Good ! And now, Lenoir, did you meet 
that — you know who — Kate ? 

Le. (r. h.) Oui^ milor. 

Sta7i. You have prevented her from coming here for the present, I 
hope. She has no suspicion? 

Le. No more than Sir William, there, vid de punch. 

Sta7i. I don't think she can well discover me, under my change of 
name, which, luckily, she has been kept in ignorance of. You should, 
however, to save chance, have put her on the wrong tack. 

Le. Oui, milor, I did. I told her you was abroad in China, fight- 
ing for tea. She leave de house weeping ; — beautifully I — with two 
little childs ! What sentiment ! — what moralite ! 

Stan. Where has she gone? 

Le. Into apartment vich I procure for her. 

Stan. She did not recognize you ? 

Le. I think she remember my face. 

Stan. It would be difficult to forget such a rascally — 

Le. Milor is always right. Monsieur Supple has been waiting for 
long time, down in your study. He wish to see you. 

Stan. Supple, at this hour ! W^hat can he want? Show him up. 

Le. Oui, milor. (x to l. h.) 

Sit an. Stay. 

Le. Oui, milor. 

Stan. Lenoir, you know I have always promised that when I mar» 
ried I would provide for you. 



5CI;NJ5 I.] THE IRISU HKIRESS. 08 

Le. Lord Stanmore's promises are never forgot — by mc. 

Stan. I am about to wed. 

Le. Vraiment ! 

Stan. I intend to give you five liundred pounds. 

Le. A sentiment worthy of monsieur alone. 

Stan. But you must leave this country. Look you, this present 
wife of mine may interfere with my interests. Now, as you have per- 
suaded her of my absence from Europe, on pretence of following me, 
you must convey her to India. A vessel sails from Portsmouth in four 
days. I will remit regularly to her there, and she can marry if she 
pleases. She will have numerous offers, and rich ones, I have no 
doubt. But remember, Lenoir, break the news of our false marriage 
to her by degrees, and treat her with all respect. Play none of your 
tricks upon me. I '11 have eyes upon you. You know me. 

Le. But, milor, five hundred is so leetle to take care of madame. 
Oh ! and dere are two little childs. 

Stan, (aside). Humph ! I had forgotten the children ! 

Le. I have a wife in La belle France, which I must leave behind, 
which I have not seen, since two months after marriage, for twelve 
yeai'S — pauvre Angelique ! Five hundred pounds is too little. Say 
one hundred pounds for throw in each of de leettle childs. 

Stan. Well, well ! 

Le. Seven hundred pounds, for tons les trois ! Eh, bien ! j'ac- 
cepte I ma pauvre Angelique ! you will break your little heart. Your 
Francois has had more love to serve monsieur dan to return to you. 

{Exit, D. L. u. 1 E. 

Stan. Now, if Supple will undertake to see this affair through, I 
shall rid myself of Lenoir, 

Reenter Lenoir, showing in Supplk, d. l. u. 1 e., and exit t>. l. h. 1 e. 

Stan. My dear sir ! I am delighted to see you. How 's your ami* 
able family ? 

Sup. I am not married, my lord. 

Stan. Oh! I forgot. However, that might not follow. I — no 
mattei'. To what may 1 ascribe the pleasure of your visit? 

Sup. Hush ! Excuse me. {He steps lightly to door, l. h. 1 e., 
which he throws open suddenly, and Lenoir tumbles in on his face.) 

Le. Sacre bleu ! Be dam ! what betise ! 

Stan. What were you doing, sir? 

Le. I was preventing rascal from listening at the door, of course. 

Stan. By stopping up the key-hole with your own ear. 

Le. Can milor' suspect my morale ? Bah ! what horrible ! — 
ventre bleu ! 

Stan. Leave the room ; and remember, if I suspect again that any 
one is near that door, I warn you I will practise with my pistols at 
the key-hole. 

Le. Bah ! what betise to open the door like dat ! What a dam non- 
sense. [Exit, D. L. H. 1 E. 

Stan. Now proceed. Can I do anything to serve you? 

Sup. Materially. Can you oblige our firm with five thousand 
pounds? 
. Stan.: You take my breath away ! 



84 Vest e>d ; or, [act iv. 

Sup. We can mortgage. 

Stan. I dare say you can. 

Sup. In short, you see, it must be had. 

St(m. Must! 

Sup. Yes ; I 'm very particular in a careful selection of words ; as 
in affairs of importance I conceive them to be of as much consequence 
as a careful choice of actions. 

Slan. You mean that I am in your power? 

Sop. A harsh expression. 

Stan. Well, to be brief, there is some private business which I 
want executed ; and if you will consent to do it, and give up to me tho 
documents relative to my — 

Sup. Exactly — 

Stan. I will give you fifteen thousand pounds. 

Sup. My dear lord, now you take away my breath I Proceed. 
Oh ! that every client had such a profundity of sound sense. You 
are a loss to the bar. 

Stan. I must tax your patience with a history. 

Sup. All in the way of business. What are the facts? 

Stan. Look you ; five years ago, while on a grouse shooting excur 
Bion in the Highlands, with some friends, a sudden storm drove me to 
seek shelter in a cottage, in the mistress of which I beheld the loveliest 
creature the warmest fancy could picture. I continually visited the 
spot. I fell in love with her, and she returned my passion. I would 
have gladly made her my wife, but she was not eligible ; so — 

Sup. You deceived her. 

Stan. No ; she was immaculate ; till by a counterfeit marriage — 

Sup. I know the rest. 

Stan. Now, this person may annoy me. But I think I have hit 
on a plan of inducing her to leave the country. She imagines that I 
am abroad. Lenoir has consented to accompany and protect her ; but 
I want some one to see the affair through. Now j'ou are in possession 
of all the facts, you will know how to act. 

Sup. Allow me time to consider. 

Stan. Fifteen thousand pounds — 

Sup. It is great — 

Stan. Put out on bills at thirty per cent — 

Sup. Too great — 

Stan. Is four thousand five hundred a year. 

Sup. Give me her name. 

Stan. There 's her address. ( Gives card.) 

Sup. {reading). ^^ Catherine Grahame! " {Falls back into a 
chair.) 

Stan. What's the matter? Are you ill? 

Sup. A fit only. I have them often. No matter ; 't is past. 

Stan. How pale you look ! 

Sup. So do you. 

Enter Le^'Oir, d. l, h. 1 e. 

Le. Mr. Ardent. 

Sup. Where is she? (Looks at card.) I see, I see. I wish you a 
good evening. [Exit, d. l. n, 1 b 



SCENE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. 3fi 

Le. Milor, I think we must get another sofa for Mr. Ardent. 
Stan. Wh-at 's the matter with him? 

Enter Ardent, half tipsy ^ and equipped for travelling, u. l. h. 1 e. 

Ar. I know what you are going to say. I have heard all at thfl 
elubs. They talk of nothing else but Norah's elopement with Sir Wil- 
liam. I 've just a minute to say farewell. 

Slan. Where the deuce ai-e you off to ? 

Ar. To Ireland, in pursuit of Norah. Goodbye! 

Stan. Stay, I intreat you, you hot-headed fellow ! 

Ar. I can't. The mail-train starts in eleven minutes. (Pulls out 
watcK) 

Sian. Hear me for five. 

Ar. Give you two and a half. Fire away. 

Stan. Have you made love to Norah? 

Ar. I have. One gone. 

Stan. And she has accepted you ? 

Ar. Of course. Two. 

Stan. I pity you ! 

Ar. And a half. Pity me because I shall have the loveliest woman 
in London for my wife ! I 'm off. Keep your pity to curl your hair 
with. Good bye ! 

Stan. Stay ; she is in this house. 

Ar. Who? Norah? Impossible I What do you mean ? 

Stan. Listen with patience, for one moment. Sir William has con- 
fided the whole affair to me. 

Ar. Can I believe my senses? 

Stan. Norah is now within that room. (Points l. h. 2 E.) Nei- 
ther he nor she have left the country. 

Ar. I *m paralyzed ! Look you, Stan, you know who you are deal- 
ing with. If this be not true — 

Stan. If you doubt me I will send her to you ; and then you can 
form your own conclusions. (Aside) Now he will do something rash ; 
her Irish blood will fire up and consume their acquaintance, and then 
I shall have a chance. \^Exit, d. l. h. 2 e. 

A r. (sitting down). Where am I? I'm stunned. ( <Sccs Lenoir.) 
Oh ! are you there ? Come here, you rascally French box of lies. 
(Seizes him.) Now look ; if you dare to conti'adict me, or tell me a 
falsehood , I '11 throw you out of the wiqdow ! Do you hear ? 

Le. Oui, monsieui". 

Ar. Is there a lady in the house ? 

Le. Oui, monsieur. 

Ar. False! 

Le. Oui, monsieur. 

Ar. Is Miss O'Connor here? 

Le. Oui, monsieur ; here she comes. 

Ar. The devil ! Bring me a bottle of soda-water. 

Le. Oui, monsieur. \_Exitt d. l. h. 1 e. 

Ar. Can it be possible — that she — my Norah — can be so 
wretchedly deceitful as to accept the last flicker of the light of thar 
rMcars love, when here / am blazing a perfect illumination t 



86 WKST KND ; OR, [act IV 

Enter Norau, d. l. ii. 2 e. 

Oh, what a deceitful thing human nature is ! — the lovely Norali ! 

J\''or. Meaning nie. 

.^r. My dearest Norah ! {starling up) then you have not deserted 
me? 

JS''or. Deserted ! What do you mean? 

^r. Why was I kept in the dark ? 

JVor. I don't know, I 'm sure. Maybe you forgot to ring ibr 
candles. 

A>\ Let us leave this place. 

J\^o): What for? 

^r. Let us fly. 

JS'or. Are you mad ? 

Ar. Will you not leave this miserable old wretch who has brought 
you to this house ? 

jS^^or. Miserable old wretch ! Good gracious ! 

Ar. All that I have, consider as your own. I love — adore you ! 
{^Attempts to embrace her.) 

JVor. Thank you. Oblige me by loving me in that chair, and adore 
me a little further off. ( Getting a table between them.) I say, have 
you dined ? 

Ar. I have. 

JVor. I thought so. 

Ar. Adorable creature ! (chases her round table, and sits on chair, 
E. H.) my sole sorrow is that I cannot offer you my hand with honor 
to myself or my fomily. Your connection with Sir William Daventry 
has precluded that. 

JYor. Mr. Ardent ! are you sober, sir ? 

Ar. As you are lovely. 

JVor. Then take this answer : You are not so little yourself — so 
intoxicated — but you could remember to respect me. There is no 
man to whom I can look, to chastise you. Go, you paltry coward ! 
Oh, I only wish I was my big brother, that 's all ! I 'd — I 'd — oh ' 
I 'd — But no ; you 'd disgrace the mouth of an honest pistol. 

Ar. This is but natural. You are nettled, — disappointed. 

JVor. I am, sir. Why wouldn't I, sure? (Sits, k. h. q/" Ardent.) 
I took you for an honest, open-hearted, generous, handsome fellow ; 
and I see you are a mean, pitiful, ugly villain ! Go ! I wish that I 
could hate you, I do. 

Ar. (c.) You don't. (Sir William appears listening, c. d.) 

JVor. {more softly). I do. Don't touch me. (Falls on his shoul- 
der.) I detest you ! Ah, Percy ! you are a brute, faith you are ! 

Ar. I am ; I know I am ! Come, Norah, don't weep. 

JK'^or. (looking vp in his face). Say you were jesting. 

Ar. No, but — 

JSt^or. Leave me ! do you hear? I '11 call. 

Ar. Nonsense ! . 

JS'br. I. will ! (Sir Wilxtam /cr/ics a decanter from table, c.) Let 
me go ! You hurt me ! Sir William Daventry ! here ! 

Ar. (r. II.) It's of no use calling. [Exit Norah, D. l. h fJ e 

Dav. (l. K.) Isn't it? you young I eprobatc! ; 



BCENE I.] THE IRISH HEIRESS. * 37 

Enter Stanmore, d. l. h. 2 e., who holds his arm, and prevents his 
throwing decanter. 

Let me get at him ! Damme, let me get at him ! (Stanmore turns 
him round to L. H.) Sir, consider your brains knocked out ! Con- 
sider yourself kicked ! 

Slan. What is the matter ? 

Dav. Matter ! You may well ask ! 

Stan. What has happened? 

Dav. Happened ! Why, if I had n't just woke up in time to knock 
that rascal down, I can't exactly calculate what would not have hap- 
pened. Pistols, Stanmore, and we '11 have it out comfortably. 

Stan. Here, Ardent, go into that room. {Points d. r. h. 2 e. 
Aside to him) Devilish unfortunate ! You went to far. 

jir. I 'm bewildered I (Stanmore j9us/ies him into door n. h. 2 e., 
and locks it.) 

Dav. Keep him fast, till I tell Norah not to be alarmed. [Exit, c. ix 

Enter Lenoir, d. l. h. 1 e. 

Le. Miladi Daventry is arrived down below. 

Stan. Lady Daventry ! The devil ! By Jove, it ia that infernal 
letter ! She expects to detect her husband in an intrigue. What an 
ass I was, not to have foreseen this ! What is to be done? 

Le. Major Fuss is with Madame Comfort. ^Exit, t>. l, h. 1 e. 

Stan. Fuss ! He will remember the mistake of the letter, and I 
shall be discovered ! 

Enter Fuss, d. l. u. 1 e. 

Fuss. Eh I oh ! my dear Stanmore ! I 'm delighted to find you ! 
am rather conglomerated about this affair ! I know it is a splendif 
story, if I could only catch it ; but it slips about in my memory in a 
aiost tantalizing manner ! What a fortunate thing it is that men arc 
born without reputations ! Saves a great deal of trouble. But who 
is the sinner ? 

Stan. If you will just step into my dressing-room, here, {points 
R. ir. 1 e.) you will overhear all. 

Fuss. Thank you. (x to r. h.) Bless me ! a private box. 
{Opens door, R. u. 1 E.) 

Stan. Make haste ! 

Fuss. If any one fights, don't let them fire in this direction. 

\_Exity D. R. II. 1 e. 

Stan. Hush! {Shuts Mm in , v. ^. \i. lis..) 

Fuss, {putting his head out). You couldn't oblige me with pen 
and paper, to make a few ** observations fi-om an eye-witness " ? 

Stan.: {shutting door R. h. 1 e., aiid locking it). If I could but 
keep Ardent out of the way, I might effect a reconciliation between Sir 
William and his wife. How unfortunate, how unfortunate that they 
should both call here at the same moment ! But I fear that hot- 
headed fool will not leave the place quietly. I '11 tell him Lady Dav- 
entry is here, and that Norah is ready to forgive him, if he will quit 
the house».- She must return to Mrs. Comfort's; foi if her ladyship 
discovers her, London would not hold them. [Exit, d. r. h. 2 e. 

4 



88 • WEST END ; OR, [ACT IV. 

Enter Sir WiLLrAM, c. d., and Lenoir, d. l. rr, 1 e. 

Dav Now, sir, I am ready to — Eh ! where 's that young 
rascal ? 

Le. Which, milor ? 

Dav. Mr. Ardent. 

Le. He is trying to escape with Miladi Daventry, in dat room. 

Dav. Lady Daventry ! 

Le. Oui ; miladi chose him, you know, her cavalier servante. — 
Miladi jealous — find him out — follow him here ; because she tink he 
go to Ireland, after Ma'mselle Norah. C'est natural ! 

Dav. So, she forbade her my house, from jealousy of Ardent's at- 
tentions. 

Le. Miladi is coming up. 

Dav. Oh ! if I could but conceal myself, and burst in upon them ! 
If I — She imagines that I am out of the country. That closet. 
{Trying door R. n. 2 E.) 'Tis locked. What 's to be done? I have 
it. Close those doors. (Lenoir closes c. doors, then exit d. l. h. 1 e.) 
Must I witness this? (Bloics out candles, on table in C. — Lights 
down.) Here's a situation for three months after marriage ! What 
matrimonial almanac could have foretold such a storm in my con- 
nubial climate, after the change of the honeymoon ? 

Enter Stanjigre, leading Ardent, d. r. h. 2 e. 

Ar. (r. h., whispering). My dear Stanmore ! I owe you a thousand 
obligations ! But where the deuce are the lights ? 

Stan. {l. II.) Nevermind. My sole desire is to reconcile Daventry ; 
that 's my object. They are both in the house ; so remain quiet here, 
while I see if the road is clear. [^Exity c. d. l. h. 

Dav. (up C, at table.) I hear a buzzing. 

Enter Lady Daventbt, d. l. h. 1 e. 

Lady D. Oh, gracious ! the room *s quite dark. I can't find him 
anywhere. Have I been misled ! 

Ar. I hear the whisk of a petticoat. Hist ! is that Norah? 

Lady D. There he is. Oh, the wretch ! 'tis Norah he expects. 

Ar. You have forgiven me. 

Lady D. (seizing him. Aloud) And so, sir, so ! this is the way 
you treat me ! — this is the return I have earned ! 

Ar. (r. h., struggling). Lady Daventry, by Jove ! 

Lady D. (L. H.) No, you shall not escape me yet." Promise me 
yOu won't go to Ireland. Oh ! how can you treat me so? I that 
have loved you through all ! You pretended to think my love was not 
entirely yours. Base man ! Oh, you '11 break my heart ! 

Dav. (up c, at table; aside, and feeling about). I'd break his 
head, if I knew whex'e abouts it was. 

Ar. (aside). It 's devilish lucky Sir William does n't hear all this. 

Lady D. Why do you not answer me ? You dare not speak. 

Ar. (aside). 'Pon my soul, she 's right ! 

Lady D. Have you nothing to extenuate your faithless conduct ? 

Ar. (r. h., aside). Sir William has been a rascally old sinner, it 
esema. I must redeem his character. (Embraces her .) If he only 



BCEMK L] the IRISU HE1RES3. 39 

knew all I was suffering for the sake of his reputation ! ( Turnt 
round to L. ii., embracing, and does not leave Lady Daventry till Q. 
doors are opened.) 

Lady D. Don't embrace me ! Don't ! 

Dav. Damme, I can't stand that ! Hallo! — Stanmore ! — lights! 
— lire ! (Staxmore opens c. doors, from the inside. — The room is 
lighted by chandeliers at back. — Lights up.) 

Lady D. (r. c.) Mr. Ardent ! 

Dav. {down L. H.) Lady Daventry. 

Lady D. I 'm bewildered ! What can this mean ? 

Stan, {down R. ii.) What the devil have you been about now? 

Ar. (c.) Kang me if I know. 

Dav. Perhaps you have something to extenuate this conduct, 
madam ? 

Lady D. I have been deceived ! I did not expect to find Mr. Ar- 
dent here, (x to k. h.) 

Dav. Who then? 

Lady D. (R. H.) You and Norah. 

Dav. Pooh ! you are well aware that Miss O'Connor is in Dublin 
by this time ; but — 

All. Oh! 

Enter Norah, d. l. ii. 2 e., coming down, l. corner. 

Lady D. (r. h.) Is she, indeed? Then this is an unexpected re- 
turn, I suppose. 

JVor. What's the matter? (Fuss begins to hammer at door, b. ii. 
1e.) 

Fuss, {without, R. n. 1 e.) Let me out ! — let me out! (Stan- 
more unlocks door, b. h. 1 e.) 

Lady D. What 's that ? — who 's there ? 

Enter Fuss, d. r. h. 1 e. 

i^uss. (r. II.) The North Ef\st Bungays ! Stay, Sir William ! Stop, 
Lady Daventry ! You are all wrong, and you are all right ! I re- 
member now, I made a mistake in the delivery of a letter. I '11 set it 
all straight again. I can clear up everything. Let me see — some- 
body gave me a letter — a love letter ! 

SITUATIONS. 

R. H. Fuss. Stan. Lady D. Sir JVilliam. Ardent. Norah. i.. H. 

Ar. {aside). I dare not speak ! 

Fuss. Some one gave me a letter for — for — Miss Norah O'Con- 
nor. Now I have it ! 
Lady D. Who gave it? 

Fuss. Let me see — a — '■ um — it was Sir William Daventry ! 
Dav. I! 

J^or. He ! {xfrom l. to Sir William, c.) 
Fuss. Yes, and I hope that will clear up the misunderstanding. 
Ar. Oh, Norah ! 

Lady D. Now, Sir William, what have you to say? 
Dav. It is false ' 



JO -WEST END ; OR, [ACT V 

Fuss. False ! 

Stan. This is too much. Come. 

Lady D. For Heaven's sake ! — Stanmore ! — they will fight ! 

Fuss. False ! You shall hear from me ! 

Dav. You are all in an infernal plot together ! 

JVor. Cousin ! this Avay ^^^ j^,^^^ ^^_ 

Bav. A set of scoundrelly — rascally— } npfi.o,. nnirklv 

Lady D. He 's mad ! 

Ar. You shall apologize ! 

Dav. I '11 fight every one of you ! 
(NoRAH up with Sir William. — Stanmore forces Ardent up. — 
Lady Daventry interposes with Fuss. — Sir William seizes decanter 
from table, c, and presents threateningly, " cormne fusil, ^' at Fuss. 
— Ardent kisses Norah. — Animated Tableau.) 



(/ether, quickly. 











TABLE. 














o 






tc^' 


\>i^^ 


t,.''^^'^"- 


g^-^viMORE. Sir WiLLj^^ 


*"*•'». 


'^**>. 


s. 


H. 


QUICK 


DROP. 


— KKD Oy ACT 17. 




L. H. 



ACT V. 

SEPARATION AND REPARATION. 

A Drawing-room in Sir William Daventry's House. it the back 

is seen a large archway, or window, opening into a conservatory. 
— Set door r. h. 2 e. — Set door l. h. 2 e. — Table and chairs on 
R. c, with writing materials^ taper, «§-c. 

Enter Sir William Daventry and Noraii, d. r. h. 2 e. 

Dav. Spare yourself and me the pain of a refusal. 

JSTor. Ah, now do show yourself what you are : a dear, good, noble- 
hearted — 

Dav. Old ass ! 

JVbr. I merely ask of you to seek an explanation. 

Dav. To what end ? 

Ab?*. There must be a mistake somewhere. 

Dav. There is ; and I made it by marrying her. I was old enough 
to know better. 

JSTor. What has age to do with love? 'Faith, I 'd marry Methuse 
lah himself, if I liked him. 

Dav. Can I blame her? No ! My age pleads for her. Does it 
not say, " How could you expect a young and lovely thing; just bud- 



8CEN& 1.] TUE IRISH UEIRES3. 41 

ding into the May of life, to waste the odor of its youth upon a 
withered, sapless bough, already in the sear and yellow leaf ? _ How 
could you hope it, you ugly, grizzled oaf? IIow could you think of 
it for a moment, you damned old fool ! Three months ago, Hir Wil- 
liam Daventry, of Greenoaks, bachelor, on the one part, signed a con- 
tract of marriage with Kate Sophia Savage, spinster, on the other 
pra-t ; and now, after ninety days of not uninterrupted happiness, the 
aforesaid parties are about to ixassemble, to conclude a second deed, 
which shall sever them for life. 

J\'or. And I, Norah O'Connor, spinster, had all but concluded a 
deed with Percy Ardent, bachelor, and got no value received, but 
half a dozen hours of continually interrupted bliss. 

Dav. The — the scoundrel ! the rascal ! My heart breaks out at 
Ills name. 

JK'or. The wretch ! So does mine. 

Dav. Oh ! if I only had him here ! 

jYor. Oh I if you only had ! 

JDav. (musing). They say he is a dead shot, but guilt will unnerve 
liis hand. 

J\'o)'. You don't intend to fight? Oh, my dear cousin ! no,'no 1 
It was no fault of his ; it was yours — no, it was mine — or anybody's. 
Oh, he 's mighty wicked ; and may be if he were shot now and then, 
it might teach him to know better. 

Dav. What would you say, if, after all, I blew his brains out ? 

A'^or. Oh, for my sake, don't try, don't ! 

Dav. "Why not ? 

JVor. If you aim at his head {hiding her face on his shoulder) sure 
you will hit my heart. 

Dav. Hallo ! Why you have been swearing all this morning that 
you hated him. 

JVor. So I do ; but I didn't swear. You did enough for both. But 
then I 'm naturally soft-hearted, and he 's naturally young ; and — 
and — I see there 's a deal of room for improvement in the soil of his 
heart ; and I 've a wonderful turn for all kinds of agricultural specu- 
lations. 

Dav. I 'm petrified ! Did n't he insult you ? 

J\''or. He did, the villain ! 

Dav. Did n't I find you — in — ay, in his very arms ? 

JVor. You did. {Aside) Ay, and I almost wish you had left me 
there. 

Dav. Did n't I see him give you a kiss ? 

JSTor. No ; but you would if you had waited. 

Dav. And for all this — 

JVor. 1 'd give him absolution. 

Dav. You forget and forgive like an angel. 

J\'or. No ; I remember and foi'give like a woman. Ah, cousin, wo 
easily pardon any insult that flatters our vanity. Had it been any 
other woman that he had tried to kiss, sure you might have shot him 
and welcome. 

Dav. Did he not make dishonorable proposals to you ? 

^''or. He did ; but they disgraced him ; — they did not affect me. 
I '11 give him tim^e to think twice. I think he was misled — deceived. 
4* 



42 WEST EXD ; OR, [act v. 

I know he was very much in love. I '11 pass that over ; and I have 
reason to imagine he was rather happy. 

Dav. (L. H.) Happy? 

JVor. (r. II.) Elevated. 

J)av. Eh, eh! — oh! ah! — I see ; when a gentleman makes a 
beast of himself he's happy. Yes ; but when his servants indulge 
they become drunken vagabonds, I perceive. A delicate distinction, 
that. 

JSTor. Remember it well. You may want it. 

Dav, What? Eh, Norah, do you mean to insinuate that I — eh, 
ever ? 

JVor. Oh no, never ; only it 's handy ; and you might lend it to a 
friend. Do so now to Percy. 

Z)flr. Do you set the example ? 

JVor. Wiiy, after all, when a gentleman sends his brains down 
stairs in an empty bottle, where are you to look for reason or respon- 
sibility iu anything he says or does ? 

Dav. Well, well, if I can avoid him consistently with honor I will 
do so. 

Enter EusTON, d. l. ii. 2 e. 

Eus. Lord Stanmore has arrived, sir. Mr. Supple waits in the 
parlor. » [Exity d. l. h. 2 e. 

Dav. He brings the deeds of separation. Is it so near, then ? I 
never thought it would come to this. I won't yield. It will be a hard 
struggle. {Appears moved. — x io a. ii.) 

JVor. (l. h.) My dear cousin ! 

Dav. (r. ii.) Ah, Norah ! I dare say you think me an absurd old 
fool. My child, the love of youth has many blossoms ; — wild with 
its very sweets, it blooms, and casts a thousand odors to the winds, it 
is so free. But when the seed of first affection falls on a heart way- 
worn by the heavy foot of Time, it strikes a root fast as the mountain 
pine. No storm can tear away its sinewy clutch. The soil may groan, 
as now it does ; but still it holds, till death shall loose the gripe. Be 
it so ! I will sign. Ay, I grieve for her ; for she was a glorious crea- 
ture ! — too good for me ! — too good for me I [Exit, d. k. n. 2 e. 

JVor. My poor cousin ! my heart weeps for him. Hush ! I hear 
Stanmore. I suspect he has more to do with this quarrel between my 
cousin and Kate than he will own. I know he belied me to Percy. I 
will avoid him ; but how ? That way — no, it leads to Sir William's 
rooms. The conservatory. I '11 just step iu here for a moment. 

l^Exit, c. 

Elder Stanmore and Lenoir, d. l. h. 2 e. 

Sian. Who is in the house at present? 

Le. Sir William Daventry and Mam'selle O'Connor. 

Stan. So, then ; show Mr. Supple here, and wait in the ante-room 
till I call. Allez ! [Exit Lknoir, d. l. h. 2 e. 

The crisis is approaching. Here comes Supple. I must not appear 
too anxious about the success of his mission. 

Reenter Lexoir, showing in Supple, d. j.. u. 2 k, who looks pale, bn( 
detcrmincil. — Staxmore appears conftisnd. — Bttit Lexoik, d. l. 
H. 'J v.. 



80ENE I.] THE IIUSU HEIKESS. 43 

Those papers? Ah ! the deed of separation of my unhappy relatives. 
Sir William Daventry makes a settlement, doubtless? Sad business, 
my dear sir. Separations always are. 

Sup. There may be worse, my lord. 

Stan. Yes, marriages. Oh yes, it is a wicked woi'ld, as your 
practice must have proved. 

Sup. (s/teeri/i{/ly). Oh, sir, you do me too much honor ! I should 
have thought your own practice, now, could tell more tales of it. 

Stan. How, sir? 

Sup. Have you forgotten Catherine Grahame? 

Stan. (usi'Je). Would to Heaven I had ! (jIIow^, and carelessly) 
Poor Kate ! the girl loved me. But hang it, Supple, am I to be made 
an example of for a chance that happens daily? 

Sup. Its frequency does not palliate its atrocity. 

Stan. Atrocity ! What have I done, more than other men of 
fashion ? 

Sup. Oh, sir, fashion, like charity, coveretb a multitude of sins. 

Stan. Pei'haps so. But to the point ; did Kate yield to you? 

Sup. At a word. 

Stan. How? 

Sup. I related to her a very simple tale. 

Stan. (r. h.) That is so like her I She was always fond of novels 
at breakfast. 

Sup. Listen, sir ! These were my words : when a young man, 
about your own age, I was sent to a distant part of France. 

Stan. Indeed ! 

Sup. I met a young, lovely, innocent French peasant girl ; I loved 
her ; she was proof against my prayers ; I married her by the rites of 
her belief alone, taking advantage of a mere incompletion of a formula. 
I deceived, disowned, deserted her ; she died broken-hearted, leaving 
me her blessing and a daughter. That child I do believe to be the 
only thing in this wide world that loves me for myself alone ! (Stan- 
more smiles). You smile. — Y^ou think me weak. Perhaps I am. — 
I do adore my poor wronged child ! 

Stan. How did this affect her ? 

Sup. Thus: for years I worked — I toiled — I sinned; for what? 
myself? No ; but for my idol. Unknown, unnoticed, I watched the 
seedling of my guilt — rooted in my heart — spring up into a tendril ; 
Bo clinging round my very life that it shut out the thought of age. 
Now listen ; I, her father, found one day a painted viper nestled in my 
daughter's breast, which her young blood had warmed to life. Where 
- I looked for innocence I found his fangs ; for love, his poison. I saw 
my poor Kate's heart torn, crushed by this reptile ; while I, her own 
father — 

Stan. How — 

Sup. I was sent to trample on the remnant be had left ! 
Sla7i. Kate ! Can it be ? 

Sup. Yes ; j'our victim ! 
Stan. Kate Grahame ! {Starts up.) 
Sup. Is my child I {Sinks into a chair.) 

Stan. The devil ! My dear fellow, surely you will acquit me of 
any intent to wro5»g you. Had I but known — upon my soul, I pity 
you ! 



44 WEST END ; OR, [act V 

Sup. Pity, my lord ! Will your pity fiud lier lost honor ? 

Stan. Well, I 'm sorry — devilish sorry. 

Sup. Will your sorrow meud my poor child's broken heart? 

Stern. What can I do? 

Sup. Marry her ! 

Slan. Why — you see — I cannot exactly. 

Sup. Look you, Mr. Baventry, wed my daughter, and I will de 
liver up to you all the correspondence revealing the secret of your 
Lirth. 

Stan. Where is Kate now ? 

Sup. In my house. 

Slan. Hem ! I accept your oiler. 

Sup. Here is the contract, ready drawn and well secured ; and 
here the correspondence. 

Stan. Where shall I write ? 

Sup. Will you not read it first ? 

Stan. Oh, I rely implicitly on the well-known integrity of my dear 
father-in-law. {Signs at table, r. c.) 

Sup. Good ! and now, sir, these are the papers. 

Stan. Oblige me by riging that bell. (Supple j}ulls hell-rope, l. h. 
1 E. — Stanmore lights a taper at table.) My dear sir, I should wish 
this marriage to be as private as possible. 

Sup. Most considerate. 

Stan. So, if you please, Lenoir can conduct Kate to my house, 
where she will be treated as Lady Stanmore. 

Sup. I did not give you credit for so much love for her, although 
she did. 

Enter Lenoir, ». l. h. 2 e. 

Stan. Write a line, desiring her to trust herself to Lenoir's guid- 
ance. 

Sup. With pleasure. (Goes vp to table and writes.) 

Stan, (aside to Lenoir). Now lose no time. Here is a check. — 
My carriage is at the door. You understand me. 

Sup. (giving letter). That will serve. 

Stan, (reading). *^ Gray's Inn." Away with you, Lenoir. 

[Exit Lenoir, d. l. h. 2 e. 

Stan. (l. c.) And now to business. 

Sup. (r. h.) Nay, 'tis done. (About to take iJie settlements.) 

Stan. Not quite. (Puts his hand on them.) I believe, Mr. Sup- 
ple, you are aware that I seldom trifle. 

Sup. What do you mean, sir? 

Stan. I would not do a rascally act ; but when it is the only thing 
I can do it must be the best. 

Sup. Lord — I mean Mr. Daventry — you alarm me. You can- 
not mean that you refuse to wed my daughter ? 

Stall. 'Tis not in my power. 

Sup. You will not withhold the letters, then ? 

Stan. No, not from the flames ? 

Sup. And Kate 1 — my child ! What have I done? I will pursue 
that villain ! It may not be too late 1 (Starts up.) 

Stan, (locking door, L. ii. 2 e.) It is ! By this time she is on her 



SCENE I.] TUB IRISU HEIRESS. 45 

road from England — by your own order. (Norah, u^hj has been 
watching the whole scene from conservatory, c, steps out, end stands 
at the table, e. c.) 

Sup. Would you detain me? We shall see. 

Stan. Nay, then no time is to be lost. I'll burn — {Turns 
round, and sees Noraii.) Norah ! 

Sup. Miss O'Connor ! (Norah takes deeds from STxyi^WRE, with 
right hand, at back, of table. — Picture and pause.) 

JS'^or. Are you aware that you are about to do what in Ireland we 
would call a very dirty bit of villainy? 

Stan. Ahem ! {Aside) This is devilish awkward. Nay, madam, 
I can explain. 

Sup, Miss O'Connor, believe not but he is a villain ! 

JSTor. Mr. Supple, he is my father's brother's son. If you have 
been wronged by him, he is a Daventry, and will right you. — la 
Daveiitry, say it. {Aside to Stanmore) I have heard all. — I know 
all. I do not covet either your wealth or your title. Do but justice to 
yourself, and I am satisfied. 

Stan. 'T is too late. 

Enter Sir William, d. r. h. 2 e. 

JVor. Oh, Sir William ! what is to be done? (x m. h.) 

Dav. What is the matter? 

Sup. Simply this, Sir William : If you will inspect the papers 
which Miss O'Connor — 

J^or. 'T is unnecessary — 

Sup. You will find that they deprive that person {pointing to Sian- 
more) of his title and estates. Nay, more — 

jYb?\ Is not that enough? 

Dav. Pray explain this. 

jYor. Whj', Mr. Supple has discovered some little irregularity in 
the ftimily records, which shows that the estates of Stanmore devolve 
on me. 

Dav. But the title? 

J\*or. Descends by the female line. 

Dav. I 'm in the dark still. Then if he is not, who the deuce is 
Earl of Stanmore ? 

J\'or. I am. 

Ar. {without, L.«n.) Come along ! 

JVor. That 's Percy's voice ! Bless him for this interruption ! 

Le. {without, l. h.) Ventre saint gris ! You will pulls my head 
off! 

Enter Ardent, d. l. h. 2 e., ivifh his hand tivisted into Lenoir's 

7ieckcloth. 

situations. 
E. I.. Sir WilUam. Norah. Supple. Stanmore. Ardent. Lenoir, i,. h. 

Ar. Now, you kidnapping rascal ! down on your knees, and con- 
fess the truth, — the truth, if you can ! or I'll pulverize you, and 
have you shaken carefully through a sieve, but I will get at it ! 

Le. You will cut off my troat ! Please to don't, and I will tell all. 

Dav. What rfoes this mean ? 



46 WEST END ; oa, [act v 

Jlr. Why, I saw this scoundrel cashing a very large cheque at 
my bankers'. Naturally supposing it was either forged or stolen, I 
tracked him to a house in Gray's Inn — Stanmore's carriage in wait- 
ing — learned from the coachman its destination was Portsmouth — 
followed him in — listened — overheard him telling a poor girl the 
square full of lies : saying his master was in China, and persuading 
her to accompany him thither — she hesitated — he pressed — I en- 
tered — he bullied — I knocked him down, doubled him up, put him 
into my cab, and here he is ! 

Swp. And the lady, sir, the lady? 

At\ Is quite safe, sir. Now confess ! 

Stan, {down R. of Ardent). No, that is for me to do. Release 
him, ardent. He was but a minion in my hands. (Ardent releases 
L"ENOiR, who looks, and sneaks off D. L. u. 2 E.) I alone am guilty. 
Sir William Daventry, your wife is innocent of the slightest suspicion 
of falsehood towards you. 

£>av, Kate ! 

Stan. I have been the cause of this unhappy quarrel. I do not 
ask for pardon. (Sir William stands transfixed.) Mr. Supple, I 
have injured you. 1 wronged your child. She has deserved a more 
worthy love than mine ; but still I vow she shall be made my wife by 
every law, human or divine ! Norah, what the sharpest reproaches 
of the world could never have effected, your simple generosity has 
wrung from me : sorrow for my sin, not for my failure. Farewell. 

[Exit, D. L. II. 2 E, 

JVo?'. Eh? Well, I don't think that you will be wanted, after all, 
Mr. Supple. (Supple x to l. h.) 

j5r. Stay ! ( Whispers Norah.) 

J\/''or. That's a pretty piece of modesty, after all that you have 
done! 

Ar. May I see him to-morrow about it? 

^or. No. 

j3r. Exactly. Then between ten and eleven — 

Sup. I understand. I shall be too happy. [Exit, D. L. H. 2 B. 

Duv. (absorbed). Can I have wronged her? 

Ar. Hei'c comes Lady Daventry. 

J\^or. Shan't we be de trop? 

Ar. That conservatory looks cool. 

Alor. Very ; but have you dined? 

Ar. I '11 never dine again till you forgive me ! 

A^or. There, (giving her hand) the Lent of your love shall not be 
long. But stay ! (assuming gravity, and pointing to Sir William) 
young man, look there. That may be your case three months hence. 
There are long matrimonial quarrels. 

Ar. And short reconciliations, which make up for it. 

JVor. So there are. Ah I I see the Shannon would n't put you out. 
(They retire into the conservatory , c.) 

Dat. She is there ! What shall I do? If I tell that I am alone to 
blame, I could not outlive the day. How shall I Taegin? • Hush ! I 
hear her — Niagara in miniature — a distant rumble. 

JBn/er Lady Datentrv, d. r. ii. 2 e. — She approaches him^ and 

sinks at his feet. 



SCENE I. THE IRISH HEIRESS. i7 

Now her eyes are fixed on me like basilisks ! Aliem ! she 's devilish 
quiet ! I '11 have a peep. {He turns slowly round, looks vp, and at 
last discovers her.) Kate at my feet ! 

Lady D. (r. h.) I will ask Norah to remain. 

Dat;. (L. H.) No, no, no ! No you shan't. Ha, ha ! {raisivg her) 
my own Kate ! I 'm the happiest old villain unhung fur my brutali- 
ties to an angel of a wife. 1 '11 turn everybody out of the house you 
please. Pla, ha ! 

Lady D. I will never speak of the poor girl again. 

Dav. Poor girl ! 

Lady D. I will be blind, deaf, dumb, lame — anything, rather 
than miserable ! If j'ou were a little wild — 

Dav. I wild ? I never was wild in all my life ! 

Lady D. Permit me to return you this love-letter, my dear. 

Dav. Allow me to restore you this, my love. ( They eye the letters, 
and then each other; they then exchanrje, and read. — Ardent a?2^ 
NoRAii come down from conservatory.) 

SITUATIONS, 
ii. K. Norah. Ardent. Lady Daientry. Sir William. i.. H. 

JSTor. (r. n.) Wonderfully quiet, considering — 

Ar. (r. c.) The calm after a storm. 

Dav. {reading). ^'Dearest William — promise to return — con- 
ceal our marriage — fond wife! " Why, I never saw a line of this 
before ! 

Lady D. {reading). "Loveliest of created beings ! I adore you to 
distraction ! " 

Ar. Hallo I that 'a not original. I remember that Ime somewhere. 
Permit me. ( Taking letter.) That is my letter ! 

Lady D. Explain it. 

Ar. Nay, I leave that for the eloquent lips of Miss O'Connor. 
{Gives it.) 

Dav. What, is this yours too? Oh, take your wife and family too. 
(x C, giving letter.) 

Ar. Allow me. {Looks at letter.) Stanmore gave me that. 

J\"or. I see it all ! — the identity of names. 

Lady D. What a fool have I been ! 

Dav. No you haven't. 'T was I ; — I am a fool. 

Lady D. 'T was all my fault. 

Dav. No, it was not. 

Lady D. Yes, it was. 

Dav. I say it was not I And damme, but I '11 quarrel all over 
again, if you won't let it be my fiult. And was it all for jealousy of 
me? Oho ! ha, ha ! 

Lady D. Would you laugh at me ? 

Dav. No ; but jealous of me I What a delicious idea ! How she 
must have loved me, to hate me so damnably ! Ha, ha ! 

Enter Euston, d. l, h. 2 e. 

Eus. Mrs. Comfort and Major Fuss. {Exit, d. l, h. 2 b. 

JS'or. She has come to witness the deed of separation. 



48 WEST E?fD ; OR, [act V 

Dav. She 'II never survive this scene. Verdict — died of stagnant 
malice. We 'II make common cause. 
Ar Yes, a common cause. 

Enter Mrs. Comfort and Fuss, d. l. n. 2 e. 

Mrs. C. (x to Lady Daventrt). My dear Lady Daventry, how 
shocked I am to hear of this disgraceful separation ! Allow me to say 
tliat an entire explanation — even a remission of his sins — is better 
than separation. People ^alk so. (x to L. ir.) 

Dav. She has anticipated your advice. {Puts his arm round Lady 
Davextry's xcaist. Aside) This must be torture to her. And now 
— {kisses her) — that 's wormwood. 

Ar. {kissi}i(/ 1soB.Au). Yes, that 's wormwood. IIow do you like 
wormwood ? 

JNOir. What's that? 

Ar. Hush ! It 's only wormwood, to annoy her. Look, now — 
see — watch. ( Kisses her. ) 

JVor. Percy I 

Ar. It's all in the common cause. Nice wormwood. 

Mrs. C. Why, major, there 's a — um — seems to be a common 
cause. 

Fuss. Does it? (^ Looks round.) Ay, so it does. 

Mrs. C. (aside). I see ; he can't remember. {Aloud) Why, you 
all seem to be kissing at me. One would think you imagined this 
reconciliation annoyed me. Bless you all, I love to see a good mak- 
ing-up, as well as a fine quarrel. It gives one something to talk 
about. Do you think I would have permitted this separation, for the 
honor of our sex ? No. Come, Sir William, your ward seems to be 
reconciled, as well as you. 

Dav. Ay — can I do anything to make you two miserable ? ( Get- 
tint/ Ardext towards r. h., and x between him and Norah.) 

A'^or. (r. II.) No, thank you, cousin. As we thought you had 
enough to manage, we have settled all that very comfortably without 
you. 

Dav. (r. c.) Oh ! have you? Are you aware, sir, that I am that 
young lady's guardian ? 

Ar. (c.) Am I aware? 

./\^or. Is he aware? My dear cousin ! Why, he means you to 
give the breakfast. 

Dat!. Oh ! you have settled that. 

Ar. Yes ; and we 'U borrow Greenoaks afterwards. 

Dav. Ha, ha! Well. {To Ardent) Come here, you young 
thunderbolt; {to Norah) and you, you flash of lightning. — You 
will have a hurricane for your son and heir. {Joins their hands, and 
gets L. q/" Ardent.) 

Fuss {aside to Mrs. Comfort, on l. it., to ichom he has been whis- 
periny). ^\vx\\l1 I will. Ahem! (^/ou(i) Mrs. Comfort thinka -- 
{Join hands, and x to Lady Daventry.) 

Mrs. C. No I don't. 

Fuss. Don't you? I thought you did. 

Mrs. C. (l. c.) No ; you — you. 

Fuss. (l. H.) Oh yes — I forgot. I — I — what d'ye call it?-- 
that as there will be two ni;irriages — there might be one ceremony. 



tOEKK X.] THE IKISB HEIRESS. 49 

5--} Ho. sot 

Fuss. Dear me ! I quite omitted. Permit me to introduce you to 
the future Mrs. — a — a — Major — what 's my name ? 

Mrs. C. Fuss. 

Fuss. Oh ! ah ! yes ; so it is. I thought it vras Comfort. I '11 in- 
troduce you to Mrs. Major Fuss. 

jir. Capital! One ceremony. It will double the joy. 

Fuss. Yes ; and it will halve the expense. When shall it be ? 

Ar, Ay ; the sooner the better. 

JVbr. Come, Mrs. Comfort, make the major happy. 

Fuss. Name the very earliest day ? 

J\frs. C. Ah, major ! it is an extremely delicate subject. 

Fuss. Not a moment is to be lost. 

Mrs. C. Not before to-morrow, surely ? 

Fuss. To-morrow ! (Aside) That 's double quick time. 

J\ror. Major, I congratulate you. 

Fuss. Oh, spare my blushes ! 

JVor, Upon what? (Poitj^s /o Mrs. Comfort.) 

Mrs. C. But a marriage in the middle of the season is not quite en 
regie, is it ? 

JSTor. Why not? 

Mrs. C. To give up the opera, Almac's, and Ascot, for solitude, 
Tunbridge Wells, and donkeys ! 

Fuss. No sacrifice, dear, to give up donkeys. Have you not me ? 

Lady D. Besides, Norah, you have not been to court yet. 

.N'or. I rather think I have ; and here 's the consequences. {Slip* 
her arm through Ardent's.) 

Dav. Well, take 'em, and this piece of advice : remain in town ; 
for believe me, the pure flame of love is often smothered by that fatal 
folly of its first excess — the honeymoon. Ladies, be wise, and con- 
tent to know that there is one realm bequeathed to you by Nature, 
where you have ever held sole sway: 'tis Home, — a simple word, 
unknown in any language but our own. Ah ! may we never lose it, 
— 'T is your title-deed to our aflFections ; for amidst the toil of trade, 
the labors of state, ay, and amidst the very lures of dissipation, th« 
heart-strings are still held by the patient, lovely watcher who sits b* 
her husband's fireside. 

situations. 
■• h' curtain. i- «. 



ifiaialogtte continued jrom second ^u^e a^f mver.) 



VOL. xu. 
21 The Pirates Legacj 
32 The Charcoal Burner 

^$ Adelgitha 

24 Sea or Vs!iente 

25 Forest Rose 

•16 Duke 8 Daaghter 

27 Camilla's HusbaBd 

28 Pure Gold 



VOL. XLII. 
329 Ticket of Leave Man 
S30 Fool's Revenge 

331 O' Neil the Ureat 

332 Handy Andy 

iSi Pirate of the Islea 

334 Fanchon 

335 Little Barefoot 

336 WUd Irish Qirl 



VOL. XLIIL 
337 Pearl of avoy 
838 Dead Heart 

339 Ttn Mghta 'ii a Bar-room 

340 Damb Buy 1 1 Manchester 
Ml Belphegurthi Mountebank 
Hi Crick«?toii tbv Hearth 
343 Printer s Devil 

^^44 Meg 8 Diversion 



VOL, XLIV. 
biS X^mnkard's Doom 
346 Chimney Comer 
S47 Fifteen Tears of a Dnimfe> 

348 No Thoroughfare fard'f 

349 Peep O' Day I LUn 
550 Everybody's nC<jrf 
^BBlet, M Three Asia 
Ciutttu & Qalpit 



Cta. 



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The two numbers, bound in oloth, School style. ... 34 

THE OliTO; or Speaker's Companion. A eoi- 
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THE ETHIOPIA]^ DRAMA. 



(NEW SERIES.) 



Blinks and Jinka 
Lucky Number 
Homebody s Coat 
Trip to P aris 
Arrival of Dickens 
Black Ole Bull 
Blackest Tragedy of All 

>. 

Robert Make- Airs 
Box and Cox 
Mazeppa 

United States Mail 
The Coopers 
Old Dad 8 Cabin 
The Rival Lovers 
The Sham Doctor 
Jolly Millers 
ViNiklDB and his Dinah 
The Quack Doctor 
The Mystic Spell 
The Black Statue 
Dncle Jeff 

The Mischieyous Nigger 
The Black Shoemaker 



NO. 

8 Tom and Jerry, and Who's 

betn Here 

9 No rator. or Man Pish 

10 Who Stole the Chickens 

1 1 Upper Ten I'housand 

12 Hip Van Winkle 



NO. 

13 Ten Days in the Tomba 

14 Two Pompeys 

16 Running the Blotikade 

16 Jeemes the Poet 

17 IntelUganee Uffloe 

18 Kobo Band 



NO. 

19 Deserters 

20 Deaf as a Post 

21 Dead Alive 

22 Cousin Joe's Visit 

23 Boarding School 

24 Academv of Star* 



1 7 The Magic Penny 

18 The Wr^ck | ny Cupids 

19 »hHu8hIorTheVlrgin- 

20 The Portrsit Painter 

21 The Hop of Fashion 

22 done Squash 

23 The Virginia Mummy 

24 Thieves at the Mill 
2f Comedy of Errors 
2( Les Miserables 

2 New Ye. r'8 Calls 

2i Troublesome Servant 

24 Great Arrival 

31) Rooms to Let 

3) Black Crook Burlesque 

3i. Ticket Taker 



NO. 

33 Hypochondris 
S4 William TeU 
So Rose Dale 

36 Feast 

37 Fenian 

38 Jack's the 
89 Othello 

40 Camille 

41 Nobody's Son 

42 Sports on a Lark 

43 Actor and Singer 

44 Shy lock 

45 Quarrelsome Servants 

46 Haunted House 

47 NoOvre, No Pay 



Tony Denier'g Parlor Pantomimes.— In Ten Parts, ^? Cta. each. 



'o. I.— A Memoir or the Author. By SylvestT 
Bleeker, Esq. How to ExpiiE.S8 the Various 
PA88io-«a. Actions. etc. The Four Lovers; or, 
Les Rivales' Rendezvous. The Frisky Cobbi,er ; 
or, The Rival Artisans. 

o. II.— The Rise and Prooh3S3 of Pantomime. 
The ScHOoUMASTH R ; or the School in an Uproar. 
BtLLK or Madhid; or, a Muleteer's Bride. La 
Statue Bi.anchk ; <^r. The Lovers' Stratagem. 

o. III.— M. Dechalumeau ; or, The Birthday 
Pete. The Dimon Lovta; or, The Frightened 
Family. Robert Macaire ; or, LesDeuxFugitlfs. 

o. rv.— Jocko the Brazilian Ape; or. The 
Mischievous Monkey. The Oonscript; or, H»w to 
Avoid the Draft. Thb Magic Flute ; or, The Ma- 
Klolaa'B SpeU. 



No. v.— The Viyandieri!; , or. The Dangbter of tb» 

Regiment. Damb Tkot and hrr Coiucax. CaV; 

or, The Misfortunes of Johnny Oreene. 
No. 'VI.— GoDENSKi ; or, The Skaters of Wilnac 

The E.vchavtilD Horn ; or, The Witches' Gift. 
No. VII.— The Soldier for Love ; or, A Hero la 

Spite of Himself. Simeo-'^'s Mishaps; or, Ttm 

Hungarian Rendezvous. 
No. VIII.— The Village Ghost; or, Love abS 

Murder both Found Out. The Fairies' Frolio; 

or. The Goo£ Wife s Three Wishes. 
No. IX.— The Rose or Sharon ; or, The Vnlvekjr 

Fisherman. Pox go, the I.NTKLLiGeNT Ape, and 

the Unfortunate Overseer. 
No. X.— Mons. TouPET the Danoino Barber; 

or. Love and Lather. Vol au Vknt asd tk* 

MiLLKRS ; or, A Night's Adventarea- 



48 Fighting for the Unlott 

49 Hamlet the Dainty 

50 Corsican Twins 

51 Deaf- in a Horn 
^2 Challenge Dance 

63 De Trouble begirs atNte* 

54 Scenes at Gurney's 

55 16,000 Years Ago 

56 Stage- struck Darkey 

57 Black Mail |CIothe£ 

58 Highest Price for Old 

59 Howls from the Owl Train 

60 Old Honks 

61 The Three Black Smiths 

62 Turkeys in Season 



Samuel French, PubUsher, 



ay of the above sent by Mall or Express, on receipt of price. 



122 Nassau Street (Up Stalmv ! 



fttf" New asd Explicit Desct^tpttte rATALooTTK Afmlfd Free on Request. 



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FRENCH'S MIN^^ ^- . .. . 

Price 16 Cents each.-Bou LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



1 "Fhe Irish Attonio/ 

3 Boots ftt tbe »w«n 
8 How tc pay the Rent 

4 The Lo&Q of A LoT«r 
6 Tbo Dead Shot 

5 His Last Legs 
1 The Inv'«lble Prince 

8 The Goldeu Farmer 

VOL. TI. 

9 Pride orthellarket 

10 Used Up 

11 The Irish Tutor 

13 The Barrack Boom 
IS Luke ths Laborer 

14 Beanty and th* Beast 

15 8t. Patricks Ere 

16 Ce.i>tain uf the Watoh 

VOL. in. 

17 The Secret (p«rs 

18 White Horse of the Pcp- 
1» The Jaoobiie 
30TheBottI« 
21 Box and Coz 
32 Bamboozliug 
JS Widow 8 VlcHm 
%i Bobert Macaire 

VOL. IT. 
35 Secret Service 
38 (>mQibus 
27 Irish Lion 
29 Vaid of Croits/ 
291 ho Old Guail 

80 Raising the W'itia 

81 »la>her and Crasher 
81 Naral Eiigagemeubi 

VOL. V. 

83 Oocknies in CalifomiA 

84 Who Spealts First 
y> Boinoastes Purioso 
?f> Ms.cbeth Travestie 
ST Irish Ambassadcr 

88 Delicate tlround 

89 The \S eatberc«.>ck fGoldll lO Andy Blake 
40 AU that Gliuera U ^ut|Ml Love in '76 

VO, VT. 
il Grlmshaw, ^agshaw a-nd 
Braddbaw 

42 Roogh Diamond 

43 Bioomer Costume 

44 Two Bonnycast ^s 
4.'»B. rn toOor>d Li^* 
46 Kiss lu the Dark [jurer 



VOL. X. I 

T8 Ireliind and America 1145 Col 

74 Pretty Piece of Bu»in«8i!l46 Hai 

75 Irish Broom-maker |I47 Lad 

76 To Paris aud Back fori 148 Pbe 
Five Pounds 

77 That Blessed Baby 
7« Our Gal 

79 Swiss Cotta?e 

80 Young WiduTT 

VOL. XI. 



P 

149 Con 

150 Opp 

151 Dut. 

152 ifersecuced Dutchman 
VOL. XX. 



014 386 551 4 



161 Promotion fnal 

162 A Fascinating Indlrid- 

163 Mrs. Caudle 

164 Shirkspeare's Dream 

165 Nepiiune's Dcfpat 

166 Lady of Bedchamber 



81 O'Flannigaa and the Pa.il53 Mtisard Ball 
821ri8hPost ^j.jg^ .../-.-.-. m_.„= 

83 My Neighbor'* "Wife 

84 Iriah Tiger 

85 P . P . , or Man and Tiger 

86 To (iblii;e Beoaon 

87 Stat* Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Che.ry and Fair Sta* 

91 Gale Breezely 
9^ Our Jemimy 
93Miner\:Mtid 

94 Awkward ArrlTal 

95 Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 
9S Life in New Yoik 
99 Middy Ashore 

I'JO Crown Pricoe 

101 1 wo Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Uuf)nis^led OeutlemMa 

104 House Dug 

VOL. XIV. 

105 '''he D-moa Lover 
ll>b Matrimony 

107 1 a aud Out of Place 

108 I Dine with My Mother 

109 Hi-awa-fha 



VOL. XXIX 

225 Somebody Else 

226 Ladies Battle 

104 Groat Tragic Revival |2.7 Art of Acting 

105 High Low Jack <fc Game 2';8 The Lady of the ties 

156 A Gentleman from lr>.'-l2.9 The Rights of Man 

157 Tom aud Jerry llandl*30 My Husbaud » Ghog 
i:,8 Village Lawyer 231 Two Can Play at i 
109 Captain's not A-mise Game 
160 Azuatfurs and Actora |233 Fighting by Proxy 

VOL. XXI. VOL. XXX. 



233 TTnprotected Female 

234 Pet of the P<»tticoai« 

235 Fjrty and Fifty | b 

236 Who Stole the Pool 
2!*^ My Son Diana [i 
238 Unwarrantable In t 



[ties 



167 Take Care of Lmie'239 Mr. and Mrs. White 
240 A Quiet Family 
VOL. XXXI. 
341 Cool as Cucumber 
242 Sudden Thoughts 
213 .Tuiiiho Jum 
2U A Blighted Belnj 
215 Little 'J oddleklnn 



168 Irish Widow I Charley 
VOL. xxii. 

169 Yankee Peddlar 

170 Hiram Hircont 

171 Doulle-Bedded Room 

172 The Drama Defended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 



174 Ebenezer Venture | ter 246 A Lover by Proxy (> 

175 Principles 'rom Charac-1247 M»Jd with the Mnv 

176 Lady of the Lak9 (Trav) l'i*8 Perplexin"Prod 



"POL. xxm. 

m 5Iad Dofw 

178 Barney the Baroa 

179 Swiss Sw<iin8 

180 Bachelor 8 Bedroom 
ISl A Roland for an Oliver 
182 More Blunder* than On4 
133 Dumb Belle 



112 KoHxauce under Dlfficul-i^'** Lunerick Boy 

VOL.xvr. VOL. XXTV 

lis One Coat for 2 Suita 

1 14 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter (nority 
n6No; or, the fJlorious Mi- 
1 17 Coror.er'3 Inquisiiion 
lis Love in Humble Life 

47 'Twould ''uzzle .i'coull I'J Paraily Jars 
43 Kill or Cure [I'SO Personation 

VOr.. VII. VOL. XVI. 

♦9 Box and CoxMam«yaud')2l Children in the Wood 
60 St. Cupid [Settled i22 Winning a Husbaud 

51 no-to-bed Tom ^ 

62 T e Lawyers 
6 3 Jack Sheppdid 

64 f he Toodiea 

65 'The Mobcap 



66 Ladies Beware 

VOL. VIII. 
67Mor»iiigCall 

68 Pop piug the Qneatiea 

69 Deaf as a Post 
CO New Footman 

hi Pleasant Neighbor 

62 Paddy the Piper 

63 Brian OLina 

64 Irish Assuranoe 

VOL, IX 

65 Temptation 

66 Paddy Carey 

67 Two Gregorica 

68 King Charming 

69 Po-ca-hon-tas 
70Clockmaker'sHM 
Tl Married Rake 

72 Love and Marder 

VOL. XXXVIl. 
SM All the World * a 8tai|;<« 
SrO Quaxo, or . I'ger Practio* 
«91 Turn Him </.t 
tn PreitjOiTUof Stimwrg 
t9S Angelo/ the Altie 
194 CirrDm.5t9nrei«itorC»»«» 
t^5 Katiy <l Sh««l 
tJf- A B upper to DizU 7 



123 Day after the Fair 

124 Make Your WilU 

125 Rendezvous 

126 My Wife s Husband 

127 aionsieur Tonson 



128 Illustrious Stranger 

VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief-Making [Mines; 

130 A Live Womau in the 

131 The Cowair 

132 ShTlock \ 

133 Spoiled Child "^ 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 

136 Wanted a Widow 

VOL. XVIIL 
187 Lottery Ticket 
1S8 Fortune's Frolio 

139 Is he Jealous t 

140 Marrief" ^sachelor 

141 Husuand at Sight 
14' irishman in Londoa 

143 Anirtal Magnetism 

144 Highways a:.d By- Way! 
I VOL. XXXVIII. 

297 tc) (m Parle Fraocaia 
2<'8 WhoKiUedCock KoMn 

299 DcclaiAtioo of iDdepewUB 

300 Bead* er Tails 

301 Obatinale Family 
S03 My Aunt 

303 That Ratcat Pat 

304 Dan Faddj de Baua 



185 Nature and Philosophv 
lS6Ted(iy the Tiler 
187 Spectre Bridgroijm 
1x8 Matteo Falcone 
le>9Jenuy Lind -^ 

i:>0 Two Buzzards 
191 Happv Man 
1S(2 BetBy" Baker 

VOL. XXV. 

195 No. 1 Round the Comer 
194 Teddy Roe 
135 Ohji ct of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 beng.il Tiger 

198 Laughing Hyena 
l'^9 The Victor Vauqulsbed 

200 Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 My Hurband s Mirror 

202 Yankee .^and. 



,OL. XXXII. 

249 Dr. DilwortU 

250 Out to Nurse 

251 A Lucky Hit 

252 The Dowager 

253 Metamora (Burieftrm" 

254 Dreams of Delui.1. i 

255 1 bo SbaS fer Lov«,r« 

256 Ticklish Times 

VOL. XX sTir. 

257 20Miuulea W;th' ' 

258 Mlriilda: or, the 

of Taeon 

259 A Soldier 8 Conr 

260 Servants by I^g- 

261 Dyicg for Love 
2B2 AiaruiJng SaoriS<.3 
26S V'lletdeSham 

264 Nicholas Nicklety 
VOL. XXXIA 

265 The Last of the ; 
King Rene'j Da' 

267 The Grotto Ny.i 

268 A Devilish Goo 
209 A Twice Told T_ 

270 Pasde Fascinati ,a 

271 Revolutionary hi id^" 

272 A Man Without a. He . 
VOL. XXXV. 

J73 The Olio. Parti 

274 The Olio, Par i 

275 The Olio, Part. | 

276 TheTrurapttcr'.i i)s-' 

277 Seeing Warren 

278 Green Mouuiain Bof 
2" 9 That Nose 
280 Tom Noddy's Seer* 

VOL. XXX v. 



203 Norah Creina 

204 Good for Nothing 

205 The First Night 

206 The Emn Boy 

207 Wandering Minstrel 

208 Wanted, lOOO Milliners 

VOL. XXVII. . 
30£. Poor Pllcoddy _ «. . , 

210 The Mummy iGla8S8Bl28I Shocking Even. 

211 Don'tForgetyour Opera 282 AReguUr Fix 

212 Love in Liverv 283 Diok T jryin 

213 Anrhony and fileopatra (284 Young fee'' ^ 

214 Trying It ( 'n. 1285 Young Act.«!8S 

215 Stage Struck Yankee 286 Call at No, 1-7 

216 Young Wife <k Old Um- 287 One Touch of N».tni: 
brr"^ '288 Two B' hoys 



VO'L. XXIX. [tnre 
306 Too M irh for G^odNa- 

■ 06 Cure for the Fidgets 

SOI Jark'sthfLfd 

3(i.S MuchAdoabuut Nothing 

SOQArtfnlDodpir 

310 Winnlrg Hazard 

.^1 1 In v'bI itl^irg [Ac. 

31 3 Did you everst?nd your, 



VOL. XXX. 

313 An Irishman's Rlanj' 
3l4<.'ousioFar.nie 
SlS'TiatbeDarieslHoi 
'16 M 'qnerade [I' r. ;. 
317Crowdinethe.c. i.so' 
SMGo.dNi'jht'sEfl 
i9Manwith t'rCurp-;; 
320 Terrible Tinker | 



SAMUEL FRENCH & .SON", 128 Nassau .Stukk.. .\t;w 



